Never chart this

Patient is ALLEGEDLY drunk and THEORETICALLY hasn't seen soap and water for a year.

Now you're covered.

I absolutely cannot stand the word "nasty" when describing a person. I don't know what it is, I just cringe when I hear it. It would extra offensive if I saw it in a patient's chart! How unprofessional.

I like to read the charting from the nurse who was at my school before me. Here are some direct quotes:

"Faking, goofing off. Back to class."

"Student pooped pants AGAIN!"

"Again with the poop"

"Parents called to come pick up child, parents finally came 2.5 hours later!"

I absolutely could not believe my eyes when I read those things.

I mean, I WANT to write those things, but I never do!

You forgot that 'pt continues to expose his genitals to staff, even after being requested to stop. Appears to be masturbating'

Please do not disclose personal information on this site....LOL :)

Patient is ALLEGEDLY drunk and THEORETICALLY hasn't seen soap and water for a year.

Now you're covered.

"Alcohol on breath, speech slurred and staggering gait. Smells strongly of urine and feces. Denies having access to soap or water for the past year."

"Alcohol on breath, speech slurred and staggering gait. Smells strongly of urine and feces. Denies having access to soap or water for the past year."

Just to be sure, you know I was being facetious, yes? Or is it sarcastic? Sometimes I get them confused...

I suppose charting that the patient was "so pi$$..ed he couldn't recognize his own mother two feet from his face" would also be considered inappropriate. where's my eraser---?

I personally loooooove charting direct quotes from clients who are being purposefully mean to me. Not sure if that's an accepted practice where everyone else is, but at my current job it's welcomed, fully spelled-out curse words and everything. I find it very satisfying especially if the visit was challenging.

"Of course I'm drunk. I'm so ****ing drunk that I'm ****ing myself right now. Can't you open your ****ing eyes and see?" (vomits).

Yep, been there, seen that.

I suppose charting that the patient was "so pi$$..ed he couldn't recognize his own mother two feet from his face" would also be considered inappropriate. where's my eraser---?

Probably not kosher. Although I did chart once that "Patient confused; attempting to converse with Alaris pump. States "That uppity bastard won't even talk to me." Strangely, my manager had some issues with that, although she agreed that it was descriptive.

"Of course I'm drunk. I'm so ****ing drunk that I'm ****ing myself right now. Can't you open your ****ing eyes and see?" (vomits).

Yep, been there, seen that.

And I wonder how it plays in court.

This is what I do.

When they raise holy hell with upper management I want it on the record that at the time they were so dissatisfied they were also standing pantsless in the hallway screaming "I'm AN IMPORTANT PERSON I KNOW PEOPLE AND I'll have all your jobs you *insert infinite screed of racial and sexual slurs here*"

Edit: meant to quote Annabanana's comment about direct quoting the patients above, seems to have disappeared when I posted. Ah well.