need your advice and input

[CRNI-ICU20]

I printed this originally in the private posting....and no one responded....so I am asking for help here....can you give me some feedback? Thank you, it is most appreciated.

Hi there good people!

Okay...here's my concern...

I have worked in a hospital in the midwest for the last seven years....before that I worked on the West Coast in a variety of settings and places...but always had employment that was steady at one hosptial....level one trauma...for 10 years....before that I was a nurse in a small community hosp. for five years..

I moved to the midwest for a re-marriage....

It was a very bad mistake...for which I am now paying $$$dearly...

Suffice to say, when I am officially out of this relationship legally, I want to move out of state and move as far away from this person as poss.....he's not trustworthy and has the potential to harm me...

My current job situation has been a roller coaster....

I didn't realize how much gossip and backstabbing could end up on a person's evaluation, until I recieved my first one....from that point on, it's been uphill to overcome the 'perception' and tone that was set with that first eval.

My boss is a play favorites kind of person....very very overt with it....

she will pay other people to go to NTI...Nursing seminars, etc....but won't even re-imburse me for cont. ed. in IV THERAPY....95 bucks!

She will pay for other nurses to go to Boston, Anaheim, NEw Orleans, Orlando for all kinds of seminars....etc....but cannot see to re-imburse for books, tapes, or any other educational pursuits that I have made...despite we have a tuition reimbursement program with FUNDS IN IT!!

I know she just tolerates me....I know she doesn't like me....but I also know that many of the doctors and some of the nurses I work with look to me with kindness, admiration, and affirmation.....they tell me that I am really a good nurse....despite the clique gossip that goes on....it's pretty brutal, too....:angryfire

That being said....I have written several rebuttals to some of the nonsense that people would go whining to her with....

But I wonder just exactly what gets passed on to the next employer...

I am worried that no one will hire me....that I will be painted as a bad apple...because of some of the lies that sit in my file....and me having no way to really refute them....our HR department is useless...

Human Resources is neither HUMAN or RESOURCEFUL!

How much information does one employer exchange with another??

I was once told that all they could legally tell the potential employer was whether or not you worked there and for how long and what your reason for leaving was....

Others have intimated that some of the information can be vaguely relayed...like attendance....or other issues....but that seems to leave a real slant in place against the potential hire if they are not allowed to rebut...or if the information given is GOSSIP....

Like for instance: I was sent home today by employee health for what now appears to be a latex allergy...that was sudden in onset....I put on a pair of latex gloves....and broke out in hives on my face, hands, neck....ears...eyes....and began to wheeze....I was treated in the ER with the usual coctail of antiphalaxis stuff....(and oh...by the way...the ER nurse donned LATEX gloves to start my IV!!! ) I stopped her...and she changed to vinyl....but for pete's sakes...it's a nightmare!...

I know that this "absence" from duty....eventhough it wasn't my doing....will be mentioned in my evaluation....

It will be brought up as an absence....because they are just unforgiving with some....and totally lenient with others....some can come in regularly one hour later than the rest of us all the time....and no one says a word.....some received over two to three weeks of grief time....I got only 24 hours when my mom died in December....

some get flowers and a little appreciation pot luck for their birthday....I am passed over....it's so obvious.....and it's sort of a passive agressive way of dishing out cruelty....I can do without the birthday celebrations....I think they are overrated....but it's the thinking and intent behind it that is so blatantly mean...:stone

Do you all have any thoughts...ideas....or experience with this sort of thing? ..I realize that not only was my marriage a toxic one....so also is this job....and I am making great strides to extriacate myself from it...

My health has suffered...my mind....and my heart....I still love nursing....and this has certainly honed down my reasons for why I go to work everday....it isn't for the cafeteria food or the great working environment!! My patients constantly tell me how much they love me...and many write to the administration about the care I have given....many doctors have written letters of recommendation....

I work a second job...(to pay for my attny....ugh.) and the doctor I work for is wonderful. She never has been unprofessional or backstabbing, etc...and very supportive....

You would think that if I was so bad, that I would be bad there too....which begs the question, why is that their perception???

What does a person have to do to get an ounce of respect?

How many layers of chapstick do I have to put on my lips before I kiss the right butt??

I hope someone here can relate...and share what they have learned, and give me some ideas about this...

You are all great people....

sincerely....ICU20

[SCRN1]

My husband's position at work involves hiring and firing employees. He has said the only thing an employer can legally say is whether or not the person worked there before and that's it. It could vary from state to state though. Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.