Maybe too late?

[Hails617]

Today I finally decided to make peace with my daddy issues and to study for NCLEX-RN after graduating from college back in 2001.

I never wanted to be a nurse. I don't care for blood or needles. Specially needles, even though I'm not sticking myself with it. Though I decided to be a bit compassionate one point in my 4 years of college, the maternity nursing clinical did it for me. I threw up three times during the rotation. Why only three times? Cause that is the number of deliveries I have seen. I didn't know what to do with the slimy baby and screaming woman. But that delivery room did it for me. I got the degree, barely graduating. But I never took NCLEX. Why? Cause I went to school in Korea. No, I am an American citizen. But at that time, I was a dual citizen, not required to denounce one or the other yet. Korea does have the NCLEX-RN equivalent. But I didn't take it. I wasn't going to be a nurse. I was finally going to move on to something that I wanted to do, not what my dad wanted me to study.

After a failed marriage of 7 years, one too many deployments while in the Army for 6 1/2 years, studying for PsyD while and after the Army, and finally realized what I really ultimately want to get (PharmD), I finally came to a point where I need a job in order to either finish my doctorate in psychology or start one in pharmacy. The VA pension isn't enough. The VA would not pay for the doctorate degree since I used all my Post 9/11 GI Bill for the doctorate degree courses and the VR&E wouldn't pay for a doctorate degree. My little string quartet gig here and there does not pay enough. And I really do not want to dip into my retirement.

After a heart to heart conversation with my good friend and the VA VR&E (Vocational Rehabilitation and Employment) counselor, I have decided to utilize what I have studied back 20 years ago, nursing.

I know it's way too late. But I remember as a 17 year old first year nursing student, I saw women in their 40s and 50s studying for their BSN. They were called, RN-BSN students. Yes, I cared that much about this whole nursing gig back then. I was young and immature and rebellious against my dad. I wish someone would have told me that I should look into taking the NCLEX-RN since my English is a lot better than my Korean (sorry mom). But no, no one cared, and I did have a well paying job at the USO in Seoul. Awesome. Now, I need to study for this dreadful exam.

People that I have known over the years, specially in the Army, have asked me why I didn't want to be a nurse. Even as an officer, nurses get treated better than other officers. And I was in intelligence field. Nurses don't have to go through the regular Officer Candidate School, but they go through direct commissioning process. Easier than the OCS, I heard. But I didn't care. I'd much rather do 12 weeks of training than easy peasy direct commissioning and be a.........yep, nurse. Did I mention daddy issues?

I have heard stories about people passing with the minimum number of questions or the maximum. I have heard stories about people failing three four times. I honestly think that I will fail the first time, though I am not stupid. I worry. I get nervous. I get anxious. The VA VR&E would pay for all the expenses for the exam, including prep courses and registration, etc. And they would also give a little allowance so I don't have to go file bankruptcy or get food stamp.

Would you do this? Would you take a step back, compromise what you want to what you need in order for you to leap and finally get that doctorate you wanted? Or would you just take out a student loan and finish up the doctorate? I've never had a debt, I've never taken out student loan. I was lucky. But the luck ran out not too long ago.

I guess I babbled because I am nervous about the decision, about the exam, about the prep process, about the whole procedure with the nursing board to be eligible to take the test, etc. I hope I'm making a good decision. I hope I wouldn't feel like a total failure.

Thanks for reading this uninformative, ridiculous post.

[pasdequoi]

Hail Hails617,

You have led an interesting life! Short answer: no, in your shoes I would not take the NCLEX. Get a loan to fund whichever terminal degree program you are most interested in, and enjoy your life.

I say this for two reasons: 1) sounds like you have no interest in nursing at all. It is a hard, at times soul-sucking job - picture yourself working on your dissertation and dealing with vanishing advisors, unruly committees members, data gone awry….while trying to function at an exhausting job for which you admit you have no affinity; 2) you may have a very hard time finding an RN job. You will be competing against new grads with their fresh knowledge and recent hospital experience….New grads are having a tough time finding jobs as it is in many areas of the country. You'll need to take an RN refresher course at a minimum (usual cost in the ballpark of $1500 - 2000).

If you decide to stay with grad school, check into graduate assistantships (teaching, research etc). They can vary in amount, but many pay full boat plus give you a stipend that, depending on where you live and your level of frugality, may be enough to squeak by with. Another option - if you want to stick with psych and work a part-time job, look into CNA (nursing assistant) programs and see about getting a job on an inpatient psych ward or other psych facility to help fund yourself while in school. I don't know much about CNA programs except that they are short, so if that is a route you are interested in, check out the CNA boards here.

Good luck to you! I'd really like to hear what you end up deciding to do so please post an update!