how many nursing students/nurses believe they were abused, bullied, by nursing school inst

gracie lewis · Dec 14, 2014

I want so much to be a nurse. At 40 years old, I finally overcame many of the issues that kept me trapped in " I wish I would've, could've". Diagnosed with a learning disability, a reading disorder, depression, getting use to the emotions that come with a colostomy, and PTSD was a lot to come to terms with and to manage. With lots of work, I and my therapist/ADD coach, agreed that I should go ahead and apply.

I applied, went through all the testing, and finally entered nursing school. Yes, it was as difficult as I had heard, but it also was very fulfilling. On the way home from clinicals, I was so tired, and hopeful, and happy about all I had learned. Caring for clients-even the fussy ones- made me feel that I was actually contributing to the improvement of their health. The way theory classes were presented was very boring. But when I read alone and with my study group, I loved how the words came to life. Many times my classmates would clarify and explain concepts that our degreed instructor was clueless about.

The Problem: Initially, I thought it was my age. Next, I thought it was my personality. Maybe my asking for help during office hours was too much, or asking my instructor what does this concept actually mean and how does it look in a client was problematic. Never, never, did I want to say, it was my race.

As I watched how I was treated, counseled, corrected, reprimanded, answered, as much as I tried to rationalize the behavior of the leaders in my program; when classmates questioned me about "what had I done to make her (the instructor) speak to you like that" or "she gave extra credit for that assignment" (which I did not receive-even after I brought it to her attention), two of us in the same clinical class failed clinical and passed theory. My classmate missed a lot of the clinical days because of her job was encouraged and allowed to remediate the clinical and then progress forward. I on the other hand missed one clinical day. Asked another instructor if I could make the day up with her weekend group. She said yes and gave me a good evaluation and thought I was on level with the other students. Nevertheless, I still failed. I asked the Director of Nursing for remediation; she asked the Assistant Director and I received a NO with no explanation. I mentioned what my classmate had received after missing 5 days and asked what was the difference in our situations. I was informed that - they didn't owe me an explanation and I would have to go through the appeal process. I respected these women. I wanted to be a nurse like they are. I admired them for the positions they held and because they were the leaders of our program. Yet, I could not wrap my head around how blatantly disrespectful, and bias they were being.

I sought out another teacher that I had a good rapport with and asked her to help me understand what I was missing. I shared with her what I had experienced (of course, she already knew). I also shared with her that I was beginning to doubt myself in a huge way. I just could not accept that I was not on their most likely to succeed list. I thought the administrators and the instructors were vested in ALL of us getting the best education possible and becoming the safest nurses possible. I answered repeatedly, no, they were not prejudice, or racist - they wanted the best for all of us.

After my appeal was denied, ( I asked for an Incomplete), I received an F and had to repeat.

I heard over and over again that I was screwed. There are many many occasions of students failing either theory or clinical and being allowed to progress to the next theory level and repeating the clinical or receiving remediation. I personally knew one classmate and I met another one through someone else. They, not I, concluded that it was my race, my disability, and my age. Because I was fifteen years their senior, I still could not say those words to anyone. Yet, it was becoming clear to me that I had a real problem. I could not and did not want to face that reality.

The next semester was even worst. I believe now that my refusal or inability to acknowledge that these people who I thought wanted the best for me as they did for every other student in the program; did not have that view of me. I was not nurse material. I had a learning disability. I was older than some of the instructors. Nursing, my next clinical instructor said during orientation, was a young persons game. I did not take it personally because I felt that I was in good shape physically, and my depression and disability were being managed effectively with counseling and medication. I know I pulled my weight during clinical. Additionally, I scraped by in theory. NO, I was not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but from the feedback I received, I was doing as well as everyone else on my level.

I ended up failing that clinical too, and passed the theory. This failure led to my being dismissed from the program. This instructor told me two days before the semester ended that I was in danger of failing. Two days before the end of the semester. The class received no mid-term grade. I was astounded by this news. I asked what was I doing wrong? The instructor had a about four things she had OBSERVED me doing wrong!! Wow, observed me for eight weeks doing the wrong thing!! Why collect these deficiencies? Why not correct me during week one and I would have been proficient by the time the class was over!! Again, I asked for remediation, I was told to appeal the grade again. I appealed. Lost the appeal and I was dismissed from the program.

Recently, I asked for the specific guidelines needed to be readmitted. I was told by the Director of Nursing that I had to reapply and a new student.

I did not include about four or five instances where I received different treatment that my white, younger classmates, who did not have a learning disability.

To reapply as a new student, means having to pay for all those classes again. My family and friends are not able to support me anymore. Besides my other disorders, I now have another one Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

May I share this. With undiagnosed learning disabilities, and undiagnosed depression, malabsorption disorder, colon cancer (remission), I routinely quit anything that became too hard for me. I grew into young adulthood with that bad habit. If I thought I was going to fail a class, I would drop it or just stop going. Failure was not an insult to me. But after having to have a colostomy ( which I thought was the worst thing that could happen besides death). I thanked God for giving me a new life and I promised I would do my best in every thing I attempted. I believe today, that I was doing just that in nursing school. I was doing the best I could is why it hurts so much to be abused and pre-judged by persons entrusted to provide all students with equal learning opportunities.

Additionally, the abuse of power, the lack of transparency, the bullying, the blatant disregard for the laws that protect persons with disabilities are all issues that I believe must be openly discussed and resolved. I paid for these opportunities. I paid for Mrs. Jones to correct me the first day I did something wrong. That is what teaching is. Teachers don't collect deficiencies until the end of the semester to hold against students - to fail students. Do you know how much damage I could have done doing the wrong thing all semester?

I am of the opinion that if I was bad enough to be dismissed, Mrs. Jones too, should have been dismissed. Why is the student held to a higher level of responsibility than that of the the instructor? As for the Director of Nursing, and the Assistant Director of Nursing, the behavior of these two is reprehensible. The leaders of the program - openly- disregarding the law. Also, allowing students to see persons in authority treating students differently makes it more difficult to welcome diversity into nursing programs. How do we confront these individuals