Manager catch phrases

Thankfully I have had only wonderfully human, sincere nurse managers. None of them I have suspected of secretly being robots in disguise.

I recently was in a car accident. I am fine, but my car was not. Dealing with customer care department of the insurance company was exhausting because of the scripted jargon. The people on the phone piled it on; thankfully nurses have not had to deal with scripting to that extreme.

Oh, yeah. All the time. I have a suspicion that memorizing scripts is what people are doing for two years in MSN Leadership.

I do not know why, but the phrase "is there anything I can help you" said with the clearest meaning that things are what they are and nothing is going to be done about them pisses me right off. I got it, you can't divide as an yeast cell and send the second self to answer this call button. Life sucks sometimes. I know it, you know it. Then get off my neck and do not be yet another thing I have to pay attention to!

I was in Big Biz and Big Gummint for quite a few years (as a programmer), and I didn't like that stuff then either. Plain English is so much more digestable to the ears.

What in the world is a professional apology?? I have never heard this before and it's cracking me up because an apology is an apology, didn't know there was a professional version and a unprofessional version. I have also never understood the "sincere" apology. All apologies should be sincere or what's the point of the apology?

I can't stand the phrase "it takes a village" and another one that I'm sick of is "...going forward" and over used adjectives like "super" and "amazing". I also hate it when people say "oh my God" or "OMG" while texting because in my book that is blaspheming God. I agree that some of the phrases mentioned in earlier comments are pretty sickening. Why can't people just talk normally? I think we have been so indoctrinated to be "politically correct" (another phrase I despise) and no one can be offended nowadays that we are beginning to sound like robots.

"We're going to knock this one out of the park."

"There is no 'I' in 'team'."

"It is what it is."

There is an "I" in TEAM. You just have to look hard enough...

When your manager is using canned phrases, we all know they're canned phrases and it makes the managers look like they've become Stepford Managers because inevitably they all end up using those same canned phrases...

I have little to no patience for the phone customer service calls where it takes a while to realize that you are talking to a computer generated "voice." When you can finaaly get a live person, they repeat everything you say right back. "Hi, ms customer service agent, i have a problem, my pants are on fire, today."....So what you are telling me is that your pants are on fire, is that correct? Same goes with those online chat things....I am convinced that they are very rarely real people.

As far as these canned, scripted phrases. I have enough to remember without having to spout silly platitudes. As much as we wonder sometimes, i don't think patients are so dumb that they really think this garbage is sincere.

Awhile back, I had a manager whose favorite buzzword was "due diligence," as in i will have to do my due diligence on this matter before i get back to you on it. Oh? As in you either need some time to conjure up more lies and bull**** or you actually have to do your job, because those two tasks are not interchangeable.

Used to have a manager who said "And ya know what" a LOT (or is that alot? )

She was giving a speech and my coworkers and I decided to place bets on how many times she would say it. Those lightweights guessed 5-15. I said 75- Price is Right Rules, closest without going over.

She spoke for 37 minutes and we stopped counting at 60.