Mammogram!

[RN-PA, RN]

This is a funny email I just received from my sister and wondered if any at allnurses had seen it, and if not, hope you'll enjoy it!

...............................................................

This is a cute way to send "the message"!

There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh

on the way there. Now go out and have your mammies grammed!

Perfect Breasts

(o)(o)

Fake Silicone Breasts

( + )( + )

Perky Breasts

(*)(*)

Big Nipple Breasts

(@)(@)

A Cups

o o

D Cups

{ O }{ O }

Wonder Bra Breasts

(oYo)

Cold Breasts

( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided Breasts

(o)(O)

Pierced Nipple Breasts

(Q)(O)

Hanging Tassels Breasts

(p)(p)

Grandma's Breasts

\ o /\ o /

Against The Shower Door Breasts

( )( )

Android Breasts

| o | | o |

Mammogram Breasts

___ ___

For years and years they told me,

Be careful of your breasts.

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.

And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,

And protected them by law.

Guarded them very carefully,

And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,

My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,

Said I should get a Mammogram

"O.K," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,

(She got my boob in line),

"And tell me when it hurts," she said,

"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,

I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate came slamming down,

My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,

From underneath my chin.

My poor boob was being squashed,

To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,

Within it's vise-like grip.

A prisoner in this vicious thing,

My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,

Who does she think she's kidding?!?

My chest is mashed in her machine,

And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,

(The room was slowly swaying.)

"Now, let's have a go at the other one."

Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,

It squeezed me from both sides.

I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,

To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,

I will request a blindfold.

I have no wish to see again,

My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,

I surely have one now.

If there had been a cyst in there,

It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,

Of this, I have no doubt.

I'd like to stick his balls in there,

And see how THEY come out!

OK gals, now that you have had your laugh,

remember... Breast Cancer Awareness... Go have those

boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message

on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts,

cousins, friends -- and even your enemies -- because

the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer!