Lost my cool

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Ok I'm in an Lpn-Rn program. We are in our second semester and the first semester was rough to say the least. Most of our class communicate with each other through a Facebook page we created.We started our new clinical group last week and one of the girls approached me because I happened to mention that I used to work with her family member. Apparently this family member told her that I was " really smart and shouldn't have problems in the program". Not true, we all struggled as I'm sure most do in nursing school. Anyway she mentioned this and in a very insistent way begged me to study with her face to face, because no one else was interested. I told her most of us work and have kids and are busy and that's kind of what our Facebook page is for but she didn't let up about it. So over the next few days she texted through phone and messaged me over Facebook. I told her I would stay over 30 minutes after clinicals and study and she was fine with that but ,the last straw was one morning while I was with my kids at the dentist she texted and when I didn't immediately answer she started calling with a follow up text saying " are you there?"I was so angry I told her that bugging the **** out of me was unacceptable. Now I'm done. She apologized but frankly I don't know her well and don't need to put up with it but I do have a bad habit of caving because of guilt. Just wondering if anyone has ever experienced this.

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Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

1). Get off Facebook. I mean, at all. Just close your account. More harm than good comes from it anyway.

2). Stop being free resource for everyone. You're going to school for yourself, not for them.

3). It is good to help others, but to do it or not is 100% up to you. If you do not feel like it, just say "no". "Nobody else wants" is the asking side's fact of the biography, not yours.

4). You are not paying your money for polishing your Facebook skills, getting new virtual and real friends, or having great social time. Not having any of that is totally ok as long as it makes YOUR studies more successful.

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Just wondering if anyone has ever experienced this.

If I want to say no, I just say no. If I don't feel like answering, I don't.

If you're not saying what you mean, you can't really get mad at someone for misunderstanding you.

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KatieMI, thanks for the feedback. The Facebook page is actually helpful because a lot of us live a distance from each other and are busy with our work and home life and school that this is a way to communicate if we don't understand something in our studies. This particular girl doesn't use it as a resource other than asking people to just help her out but nothing specific. To shorten it, it's just her personality. She's hanging on by a thread and wants someone to basically tutor her. But she isn't tactful when she asks, just pushy and borderline harassing . I just got tired of it but I have to do clinicals so it will be awkward since I told her to stop bothering me

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Specializes in retired LTC.

You are NOT her education provider. Don't feel guilty!!! And good for you for standing your ground!

Might it be any wonder why NO ONE else wants to study with the clingy, desperate person? Just be careful of her type - she can be a turncoat and jeopardize your other efforts in school. I've seen it happen.

If things smooth out later, you might reconsider, but that's YOUR choice.

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Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

And, yep, I experienced precisely all that, being seen as free-for-all-who -cares educational support. I usually said that it is ok but I charge $25/hour for private tutoring, cash only. After that, the talk either stopped, or I'd got some $$ for my efforts. Being free from any possibility of repeating that type of experience was one of the reasons I picked up online program for my grad studies.

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Some people are so dense you really have to establish clear boundaries with them. You aren't a free tutor. Tell her if she wants to be a charity case there are great programs she should reach out to.

Usually, I find that a simple, "Look, I can understand your concern about falling behind in school but I am very busy. I have no time to help you, I barely have time for myself. Sorry." works quite well. Makes most people realize for a second that they aren't the center of the universe.

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

You were kind to offer the 30 minutes for free, but there is so much in your descriptions of this person's obvious emotional issues and inability to cope with what is required in the program you need to separate yourself from her. Luckily it's happening now and not further into your time in the same clinical group.

You might give her some tips on appropriate resources for someone in her situation, but I suspect others have attempted to redirect her efforts in a more productive way have been frustrated as well.

So, yes you may feel guilty but you have to back way off anyway. Best wishes as you continue in your program!

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1). Get off Facebook. I mean, at all. Just close your account. More harm than good comes from it anyway.

2). Stop being free resource for everyone. You're going to school for yourself, not for them.

3). It is good to help others, but to do it or not is 100% up to you. If you do not feel like it, just say "no". "Nobody else wants" is the asking side's fact of the biography, not yours.

4). You are not paying your money for polishing your Facebook skills, getting new virtual and real friends, or having great social time. Not having any of that is totally ok as long as it makes YOUR studies more successful.

Yes!!! Facebook has caused more quarrels, hard feelings, trauma and drama than it is ever worth. Near as I can tell, nothing good ever comes of it, especially in regard to workplace relationships.

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Are any of your instructors on the facebook page? If so, post "please provide tutoring resources, office hours for instructors, etc"

That way anyone in the class who may need extra help will have those resources. Plus, there may be those students who DO want to create a study group, tutor, whatever.

I have heard of facebook as a way to discuss things as far as class questions and information. What I would not do is share my phone number with anyone--but since you have, block her number OP. You are not responsible for other's study skills or lack thereof.

Going to school, having an active family and other responsibilities is a full time and then some job. Best wishes!

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Specializes in Oncology.

I was top of my class in nursing school and had lots of people that wanted to be "study buddies," aka, wanted free tutoring. I quickly learned the phrase "I study best on my own. In a quiet place." Don't give an inch to people who want a mile.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

Trust me, you are not the first person to have to set boundaries with this person. So go for it and stand up for yourself. Block her number if you have to.

I don't think this will be an ongoing issue. She is not likely to last much longer in school. Perhaps if she spent her time studying instead of tracking folks down & hounding them......

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