Lack of Support

[angielynn1972]

So I am just looking for some advice. How do you deal with a lack of support from your spouse? I have been working on my prereq's for over a year now, taking only a couple classes at a time. I got pregnant after signing up for my first semester and actually dropped the classes. My daughter is now eighteen months old. I love spending time with her but I also enjoy going to school and being around other people sometimes. This fall I have class for four hours on wednesdays and two hours on Tuesday an Thursday evenings and an online class. In my opinion that's not alot. So my husband said to me today,"With all the classes you're taking are you going to be able to spend anytime with your daughter?" He constantly insinuates that I'm neglecting her in some way for not spending every minute with her. Any time I try to do homework or talk about anything school related he get's hateful. This is my dream and I'm not getting any younger (38 y/o). Is it really selfish to go back to school to pursue your dream if you have a young child at home? Has any one else had such a lack of support and how do you deal with it?

[l0k33_RN]

ugh - sorry you have to go through that. At 1st glance, I would guess your husband may be feeling threatened/neglected himself? We all know that attending classes for nursing, and applying yourself, takes a lot of time; however, it is very much worthwhile and you are entitled to it!

Were it me, I would sit down and have a very candid, non-confrontational talk with him. Lay-out what the next few years of studying/clinicals will be like for you, and stress how important becoming an RN is for you. It is obvious from your post that your family is of the utmost importance as well, and I would hope your husband realizes that when he is not feeling insecure/spiteful towards your ambitions. If you two can discuss these things rationally, it comes down to him having to accept, and support, your goals.

What I did when I was thinking of starting back to school for nursing was to have a long, frank discussion with my wife about the demands school would place on my time for the next 3.5 years (2nd Bachelor's, 1st was English, so had a good chunk of math/science to wade through to even get to the nursing core prerequisites). She thought about it, and resolved to be supportive of what we both agreed was a worthwhile goal. That is not to say that we do not "butt heads" occasionally about how much time I put in on my studies (gotta keep that 4.0 ), but I make a concerted effort to schedule time with her as often as I can.

Communication is key, obviously, and reinforcing things that you already perform for the family/your child should serve to nudge his recognition, and appreciation, of the actions and responsibilities you undertake just for them. As I noted earlier, though, he has to reconcile himself to being supportive of your goals, and that will mean having to be your partner in your endeavor, and stepping-in to help out when you have to be hitting the books for the good grades you need.

Good luck!