Keeping my scholarship, making the grade

[Texas247365]

Hello all, this one might be a novel, sorry.

I recently have been awarded a full ride merit scholarship from my nursing school that pays for every school I have, room, board, books, tuition, fees; the whole nine yards. I still don't feel like I earned it, almost like I am an imposter. I never really got good grades in high school, and can't explain why I got good grades my first two years in college before I got accepted into my schools nursing program. I never really worked too hard (grades came very easy to me), or did anything that was exceptional (my extra crics were things I did for fun), yet I was given this gift and the letter that came with it applauded me for my achievements and hard work. This feeling of not deserving the scholarship is compounded by not being sure that I can keep my grades high enough in Nursing School to maintain the scholarship.

My first 60 hours, 4.0 no problem, never sweated a class and never pulled an all-nighter, never even got below an 80% on anything, even if I turned in what I thought was crap. Yet I don't think I retained very much either, I always intended to learn everything and not just memorize it, yet its all gone as if I crammed it. I never could retain stuff for a long time, and I am very worried that this will kill me in nursing school.

I can't talk to my friends or family about this, when I try they think I am being modest. If any of you an.comers out there have had a similar imposter feeling, please let me know how you coped with it. If you too made good grades each semester, but had difficulties recalling information later on, let me know how you coped with that. I am at a loggerheads with three different issues here and just need a starting point to get the ball rolling (and a recent study says that problem solving is easier when its someone elses problem).

[llg, PhD, RN]

Yes, I've had that problem. In some varieties, it's called "Imposter's Syndrome." You might want to read up on that.

I've always gotten scholarships, grants, etc. ... scored well on tests and in interviews ... etc. Then, I never quite live up to my full potential. In "real life," I don't achieve as much as people (especially me) think I should.

As I have gotten older and wiser, I have learned that I am human. I do really really well at some things sometimes. But being human, I am not perfect -- and nothing I can do can change that. Your fears about retaining all the information/knowledge you can pass a test on are understandable. The truth is: no one retains it all. Stop beating yourself up about it. The important thing is that you mastered the material once and can look it up later if you need to use it. You will retain the things you use regularly in your practice. The things you don't use either don't matter -- or you can look them up.

In short. Be grateful for your talent. Take the money. Do your best to be a good person. Help others. Have a good life. Don't ruin your happiness by wasting energy worrying about not being perfect.