Just Thought I'd Share.....

[L P N to B]

i just got done reading this whole ma cna lpn rn debate thing..... and i needed a break from all the seriousness lol..... i came across these things n thought they were cute... so here... enjoy!!!

nurse saying - "you might be a nurse if..."

*you can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning.

*you believe every patient needs tlc: thorazine, lorazapam, and compazine.

*you can´t see it; it´s probably not there.

*your sense of humor seems to get more warped each year.

*you think it is acceptable to use "member" and "lady parts" in a normal conversation.

*you believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven´t fallen asleep yet.

*you believe that if warm wine enemas were routinely ordered, patient complaints would greatly decrease.

*you call some of your co-workers "flowers in the field of medicine" because they´re bloomin´ idiots.

*you hope there´s a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.

*you believe not all patients are annoying. some are dead.

*you believe experience is something you don´t get until just after you need it.

*you see stress as a normal way of life.

*you have a tendency to laugh at your patient´s "big" problems.

*you know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.

*you believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

*you´ve ever thought, "patients, god love ´em, because today, i sure don´t!"

*everything only happens all at once.

*you have more t-shirts that say, "love a nurse prn" than plain t-shirts.

*you´ve ever referred to other nurses as "band-aid bunnies."

*you´ve ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw-up.

*you write a patient report and have to translate it to medical records because of all the acronyms in it.

*you notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse.

*you look in your closet and can´t find anything non-medical to wear.

*you´ve ever told anyone in pain to "stop being a baby and deal with it."

*you have a patient in four-point leathers that asks if you´re a nurse, you reply "yes", and walk away.

*you´ve ever told a patient to "stop faking it."

*you believe all bleeding stops...eventually.

*you don´t get excited about blood loss unless it´s your own.

*you don´t hit patients or doctors....unless absolutely necessary.

*you believe the pain will go away when it stops hurting.

*anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you´ve obviously don´t understand the situation.

*you believe if you can keep your head among all this confusion, you obviously don´t understand the situation.

*you´ve ever said, "why am i here?"

*if you believe if a patient who has a catheter, he needs it.

*everyone gets treated exactly the same...until they piss you off.

*when you get a call telling you the name of your next admit and you can do the care plan before the patient gets to the floor.

*when called for orders, the md says, "write them yourself; you know the patient better than i do."

*you´ve ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is an emergency.

*ever rolled your eyes when the 14 year-old says, "no, i´ve never had sex."

*you refer to motorcyclists as organ donors.

*you can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand, and it doesn´t bother you.

*you believe tylenol, advil, or excedrin provides a large part of your daily calorie intake requirements.

*you´ve ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone´s vein and said, "now your going to feel a little stick."

*you can identify the "pid shuffle" and the "kidney stone squirm" at 15 feet.

*you´ve ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "i´m afraid of shots."

*you´ve ever thought, "as long as he´s got a pulse, i don´t care about the rhythm."

*you think the ultimate cruel joke is get someone drunk, take them to the er and tell them he od´d on "some kind of pills."

*you automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily.

*you can keep a straight face when a patient responds, "just two beers."

*you feel that if someone is shot or stabbed, they probably deserved it.

*you stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth to cough.

*you think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status.

*you believe in the aerial spraying of prozac.

*you have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out ama.

*you believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

*your most common assessment question at 2 a.m. is "why is this an emergency now?"

*you believe every waiting room should have a valium salt lick.

*you don´t believe 90% of what you´re told, and 75% of what you see.

*you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.

*you have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

*you believe a book entitled "suicide: getting it right the first time" will be your next project.

*you believe a good tape job will fix anything.

*you´ve ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, "i don´t know how that got stuck in there."

*you have ever had a patient say, "i´m not pregnant, i can´t be pregnant! i can´t be having a baby!"

*you have a special shrine in your home to the inventor of haldol.

*you can think of another 200 examples of "you might be a nurse if..."

nurse sayings - "reasons to become a nurse"

* pays better than mcdonald´s (though the hours aren´t as good.)

* fashionable shoes and sexy nurses uniforms.

* needles: ´tis better to give than to receive.

*confidence in reassuring patients that all bleeding stops ... eventually.

* opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases.

* interesting aromas.

* courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly clear handwriting.

* celebration of holidays with all your friends ... at work.

* comfort in the knowledge that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.

differences between graduate nurse and experienced nurses

a graduate nurse throws up when the patient does.

an experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up

a graduate nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you can´t read it.

an experienced nurse doesn´t wear a name badge for liability reasons

a graduate nurse charts too much.

an experienced nurse doesn´t chart enough.

a graduate nurse loves to run to codes.

an experienced nurse makes graduate nurses run to codes.

a graduate nurse wants everyone to know they are a nurse.

an experienced nurse doesn´t want anyone to know they are a nurse.

a graduate nurse keeps detailed notes on a pad.

an experienced nurse writes on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, etc.

a graduate nurse will spend all day trying to reorient a patient.

an experienced nurse will chart the patient is disoriented and restrain them.

a graduate nurse can hear a beeping i-med at 50 yards.

an experienced nurse can´t hear any alarms at any distance.

a graduate nurse loves to hear abnormal heart and breath sounds.

an experienced nurse doesn´t want to know about them unless the patient is symptomatic.

a graduate nurse spends 2 hours giving a patient a bath.

an experienced nurse lets the cna give the patient a bath.

a graduate nurse thinks people respect nurses.

an experienced nurse knows everybody blames everything on the nurse.

a graduate nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they will get to change it.

an experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anybody.

a graduate nurse looks for a chance "to work with the family."

an experienced nurse avoids the family.

a graduate nurse expects meds and supplies to be delivered on time.

an experienced nurse expects them to never be delivered at all.

a graduate nurse will spend days bladder training an incontinent patient.

an experienced nurse will insert a foley catheter.

a graduate nurse always answers their phone.

an experienced nurse checks their caller id before answering the phone.

a graduate nurse thinks psych patients are interesting.

an experienced nurse thinks psych patients are crazy.

a graduate nurse carries reference books in their bag.

an experienced nurse carries magazines, lunch, and some "cough syrup" in their bag.

a graduate nurse doesn´t find this funny.

an experienced nurse does.

[the princess]

:rollso, does this mean i'm an experienced nurse?...hahahaha-hehehehe-hohohoh-lol:roll thanks for the jokes

[sharann, BSN, RN]

I love this one every time I read it. It makes me laugh and it's fairly accurate!