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Is it foolish to be hopeful in my situation?

Zaraz Zaraz (New) New Student

Apologies in advance for this to be super long. I don't know how to shorten it.

I've been dealing with lots of stress at home and depression since senior year of high school which is a normal thing for a lot of people I know that. I never felt comfortable about talking about my situation with anyone and thought it would just go away with time. But, it ended up impacting my studies in college. I have been attending University for about 5 years now. At first, I started out as Pre-PA major and took courses for it. When I was in high school, I would get straight A's and passed all my AP exams as well. But when I reached my first year of college, I just suddenly lost motivation to do anything. I would do stuff that I've never done as a high school student, such as skipping 1-2 classes or showing up 30 minutes late to class. When it came to studying, I would try to read the book and my lecture notes and try to take my own notes but I would get tired of it very easily and would end up falling asleep. I would wake up in the night thinking about studying but felt too tired and would sleep again. My first year was a disaster with the procrastination and I did poorly with a D in most of my classes except for the easy ones. I got kicked out of my university in my second year saying I could try to appeal or just re-apply while taking a semester elsewhere. In my appeal, I never stated about stress or depression cause I felt they wouldn't believe me and think I'm using it as an excuse. They rejected my appeal and ended up going to a community college. My advisor there recommended me to take less burdening classes to boost my self esteem when she heard I had personal reasons. I had the motivation to want to go back to my University and did really well in my courses there. I reapplied and got accepted with the condition of not going below a 2.0 GPA. My Biology advisor thought it would be best for me to change majors since I got a D in a course for Pre-PA reqs twice and felt I would not be granted a 3rd attempt if I appealed for it. I considered about nursing and felt like I could do it. My studying issue did not change, though. Whenever I wanted to study, I just couldn't sit there and study. I would rather watch something on TV or play a game. To prevent myself from doing that, I would listen to music while studying and it would keep me to take notes. I ended up getting B's for all my courses in my first semester for Pre-nursing that way. When it came to the next, I had to take organic chem with Microbiology with few other classes, and ended up with a B in organic chem and W in micro (professor made a grading error and everyone's grades dropped so I ended up with a C and we were granted a special chance to have a W even if we passed deadline date) However, when it came to A & P 1, I could not do it. I first took A&P I in Summer and it was too overwhelming with a lot of info crammed into a short period of time and got a W. The second time I took it, I would really try to study hard for 2-3 hours a day (the rest of the time were for other classes) and during exam days I would blank out and felt that I didn't study hard enough and ended with a D during the second time. A "W" is considered an attempt so I could not retake the class a third time without filing a petition for it. This year in January I went out of country and got sick which gave me anxiety. When I come back for Spring semester, I would have panic attacks but I managed to get a B in micro (probably because we did switch to online cause of Covid and the exams were open notes). I decided to take A&P I over the Summer in person offered at community college & do a retro petition but my symptoms were worsening during that time. This time I would hear weird sounds while listening to music and studying and my phobias of bugs were getting worse. I ended up seeing my PCP and tried to tell her my symptoms but I was so nervous talking about my mental health concerns for the first time with someone so I unintentionally left some things out and talked about my symptoms in a jumbled mess. She at first thought I would be schizophrenic but said it's GAD & depression. I told her I was discouraged because of my grades & she tried to cheer me up telling me not to give up and talked out what I can do to get better. But, this was a day after I finished my Summer A&P I. I checked my grade and it's a C so I could be able to do a retro and take A&P II. But, I heard a C isn't accepted in NS which scares me cause I feel like I can push myself to do better. I asked my academic advisor if it's possible to do a petition at my own university for a third attempt in A&P I (and not consider the attempt at community college) and she said they would less likely accept it because of COVID the classes are online at my University and they would mostly accept an in-person attempt. She felt that I should consider a backup plan for another major in case I don't get accepted into NS cause my grades as a Pre-PA major would also be looked at. I personally want to still continue as Pre-Nursing. I feel like I can do well if I can pull myself together. But, I'm not sure if I'm being foolish for having hope and thinking there may be a small chance of me being accepted if I do well on TEAS test and A&P II even if I have a C in A&P I.

Edited by Zaraz

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