I'm having doubts about myself, is nursing for me?

[invu]

Hey everybody,

I've had a few short comings. Straight out of high school I went to an LVN/LPN school and I dropped out after the first semester! It's not that I neglected my studies, it's just that I was over-whelmed with a sea of information and I felt like my teacher was wasting my time because she was blowing us off in lecture. She just rants off like a robot and everything she was talking about was going in one ear and out the other. Every morning I dreading going to lectures. On the other hand, I did exceptionally well in clincals. I was considered by my clinical instructor to be " very talented when dealing with patients and procedures". I didn't have any distractors. I didn't have a girlfriend at the time or any types of drama in my life. My parents did everything they could to help me pass my course, but I couldn't. How I failed was at the end of the semester I got a score of 72% when passing was 75%.

Soon after failing out of LVN/LPN school I went to a community college. I thought maybe try nursing here instead of a private school? I did pretty well with my GE's getting A's and B's. I even got A's in chemistry and anatomy. But when I got to physiology, things changed. For our first exam I studied about an hour everyday like I normally do and I got an F. I stepped up my game and thought I'll study harder for the second test. When I got the result back, I ended up getting a D+. The only way to catch up was to get A's on all the following test which I find to be unrealistic because I tried my best but still got a D+. So to save my GPA of 3.2 I dropped physiology and hoping to re-take it with a different teacher.

I'm starting to have doubts about the profession I'm going into and my self-esteem has taken a blow. I feel like I'm wasting my time and I'm not sure if I want to do this anymore. School stresses me out and I've fallen into a mild depression since I started college. I lose sleep at night and I've thought about suicide a few times since graduating high school. I don't really have friends anymore because they have moved away or just lost touch. I now just have a loving girlfriend who supports me emotionally more then my parents. I failed LVN school and now physiology. Everything I'm doing is for my parents and the money. I told my parents how I feel and what's going on, but they pound me about doing nursing and it's THE ONLY WAY. Both my parents are CLS (clinical lab scientist) and have very, very high expectations of me.

I turned 21 last February and it's May now. Next semester starts mid September so I have nearly 5 months of downtime. I signed up for a Phlebotomy program on June 6 which lasts 1 month then I'll get my certificate. Sometimes I wonder if I can make Phlebotomy a career if all else fails? Please, give me some input on what I should do or some thoughts you have.

[jeannepaul, BSN]

when I was in nursing school, I would often feel like I couldn't do it. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I would watch the movie Rudy at least a couple of times a week for a while. In this movie, Rudy had a dream to play football at Notre Dame. He was always being told he wasn't smart enough or big enough. it shows what he went through and he did go to Notre Dame and he did play football. check it out, it helped me get through the hard times. I got my BSN in2000 and I still bawl when I watch it, you can do it, you just have to believe in yourself.

[beat2beat]

I have the song "I Believe" by Fantasia permanately etched in my brain. That song got me through so many of self doubts and helped me keep my eye on my dream. I think at some point all of us have questioned ourselves and our abilities.

I saw that you commented that you thought about suicide and that you are experiencing depression. If you are feeling this way, I encourage you to find a therapist or a support group. Someone once told me to always remember that feelings are feelings, they are not facts.

[SteveNNP, MSN, NP]

My advice would be to find out if your school has a learning counselor or something similar. It may be that nursing school has exacerbated some type of learning issue you may be experiencing.

You may qualify for tutoring, extra assistance, or extended testing time.

If I were you, I'd get that checked out. It sounds like you have no lack of motivation and drive to be a nurse.

[xnmexicanx]

When you said:

"Everything I'm doing is for my parents and the money. I told my parents how I feel and what's going on, but they pound me about doing nursing and it's THE ONLY WAY. Both my parents are CLS (clinical lab scientist) and have very, very high expectations of me."

It sounded like you are getting a lot of pressure from your parents to become a nurse. In order to really put every effort that you can into nursing school, you have to want it for yourself, too! Nursing is a great field, but it isn't for everyone. If its not a career that you feel you would be satisfied with, try something else that you want to do. Its not worth your time or your money to work for something that you never wanted in the first place.