If you were indecisive like me, what would you choose?

[Snessat]

Hey everyone.

I could use some guidance as I am 21 yrs. old & a first year nursing student 3 weeks into the program.(Taking Fundamentals & Pharmacology)

Prior to being accepted to the program I battled with clinical depression and needed to decrease work at little to no hours when working as as a special ed. instructor in clients homes.Getting accepted has been a life saver in more ways than one- something to look forward to, a routine (somewhat), and a great distraction. Although this is good and all I'm still trying to adapt to triggers that cause me to get into a depressed state... A year ago I was burning fuel working more than I should have, taking on too much work stress, over exercising, sleeping an average of 4 hours a day,losing so much hair, etc. Then I crashed and couldn't handle it anymore- had severe insomnia, stopped exercising completly, anything I'd eat I would gain in fat & still ongoing(+50 pounds more now), my self esteem crashed, anxiety heightened even more, and I cried for everything. I started lexapro and my experience worsened- to keep it subtle, I felt like I had no purpose in life anymore and my family was hurting & stressing with me.

I think that I have somewhat of a direction now. I used nursing school as an excuse to my employer in order to stop working completley and focus on my studies. (My school encourages us not to work) I'm still in my employers roster though so I can pick up assignment whenever I'd like. So now I am working on my ADN but finding that I don't like the idea of studying without working as it is very sedentary and overwhelming to focus on school alone. I know that I am more productive with a routine and juggling other obligation or activities.. which I no longer have. Many things that used to be enjoyable such as exercise aren't anymore and I'm having a hard time starting again without a daily routine. I'm sharing this to put into context where my indecisive thinking is coming from.

So, I plan to start volunteering at my local hospital like I used to when I was in high school. This time however, I want to do pediatrics as I had applied there as a PCT this summer but did not take the position due to wanting to adjust to the nursing program first and see whether I could handle that too. ( it would be 24 hours overnight on weekends) I got my CNA when I was in high school and haven't really used it since I had a job offer to work with kids with special needs, the pay was a little higher, and I was having self doubt on whether I really wanted to do nursing and if It would even be achievable. I'd been thinking nursing school my whole life... so I was tempted to explore and see what else was out there. I definitely want to do nursing and merge it with my love for working with kiddos. So my first option is to start volunteering in PEDS until I decide whether I want to start working there as a PCT.

The second option.... I applied to work a govt job at my city's communication department over the summer.. it is an overnight filler position so I wouldn't be working every week. And they will pay me $17 an hour. I've been granted the position, I just need to follow paperwork and training when I've made a definite decision to do this. This is not exactly related to my healthcare field but I think that it is a valuable experience that can open many doors as well. But, doing this, I wouldn't be putting my CNA to use. It will be a flexible job though and will allow me to do something non health related and gain experience in something else.

So if you were me what would you do? Work? And if so, where? Or not work right now? Another thing to keep in mind, I have enough funds to cover my bills this semester until I start taking shifts at my current employer during breaks. But this does not mean that I'm comfortable at not having an income especially while having a car payment.

Im sorry about my article being all over the place!Thanks in advance for your help!!!!!!!