I don't know what I want from nursing career

[AH22 RN]

Hi everyone

I'm going to apologize because this is going to be all over the place.
I started working as a nurse on an IMC/PCU unit for about 10 months. I loved my coworkers but management was terrible and the shifts were rough. I hated working weekends. I felt like I had more bad than good shifts, some examples were having to transfer half my team off the unit right after shift change and get two new admits at the same time, having my sitter taken away from my confused patient who was a fall risk and kept getting out of bed, and doctors who were overworked and did not take any of my concerns seriously.  I started to get extreme compassion fatigue and burnt out. It was to the point that I would cry every morning before work and started to feel depressed. I could not take it anymore and decided that I wanted to do OR.
I went to outpatient surgery where I mainly do intake/recovery but have been in the OR a few times to help out. The times that I have been in the OR I did not really enjoy it. At first I loved working outpatient surgery, it felt like a breath of fresh air. However, after a little over a year working there I'm starting to regret leaving bedside. I miss working 3 days a week versus 5 days a week. I miss using my skills and knowledge to my fullest. I've felt like I've lost so much knowledge because all I do is put in IV's and go over medical histories all day. I don't feel like a real nurse anymore. I miss my old coworkers even though a lot of them have left. I still hang out with one of my old coworkers and she tells me stories that make me thankful I don't work bedside anymore. I just can't shake this feeling that I'm wasting my career and knowledge. It also scares to me go back to bedside at a new hospital or floor and look incompetent since I haven't done it in so long. Has anyone felt like this or have any advice on what I should do. I feel like a big problem also is that I'm a huge people pleaser and pushover which doesn't mix well with bedside nursing. 

[GunnyNurse, BSN, RN]

Hello, 

Firstly I'd like to say that you are certainly not the first nurse to encounter feelings like this. I know of many nurses including myself that constantly wonder if we are in the right places. Sometimes I hear of other places or jobs and wonder, "wow, is the grass greener there?" From your post, It sounds as though your first nursing job was in intermediate/progressive care, is that right? Depending on where you are located and the trauma level of the facility, this unit can be extremely demanding of nurses, especially those who are early in their career. IMC can often take on patients who were more appropriate for ICU. I don't know you personally, but it's possible that you left the bedside too early to try outpatient surgery. From what it sounds like, bedside nursing may be better suited for you as you crave to utilize your knowledge and skills. Have you ever wondering about returning to the bedside in lower acuity units? I know many nurses who enjoy observation units as you will see a broad range of patient issues without the high acuity of ICU or intermediate care.  Another suggestion would be specialties like day unit or PACU which still gives you patients with acute issues and allows you to utilize nursing skills and judgement. Lastly, don't fear to look incompetent when you return to the bedside. Be honest about the orientation time you'll need and hit the ground running when you're ready. You'll learn that you're more capable than you think and that skill/intuition will return. There are a million directions you can take your nursing career, don't be afraid to research other nursing specialties as well. Good luck!