I feel smashing my head against the wall


this post is relevant to my first thread here: https://allnurses.com/pre-nursing-student/help-transferring-college-636309.html

i just don't know what to do. i left voice messages to two counselors saying that i am interested to go in practical nursing and i asked if i need to ocas or show them my gpa? i'm planning to withdraw my anatomy and physiology because i'm failing and i don't want a lower gpa, so i rather withdraw it. no, please don't tell me to study hard because there's no chance for me getting a good mark.

so now the two counselors are not calling back. i feel like smacking my head against the wall because my parents doesn't know about my plan in withdrawing the course.

i'm in a lower middle class so getting money to pay my tuition fees is not a joke to my parents. i didn't tell them that i've been cleaning houses to pay for my last book because i don't want to ask them for the money.

every time i involve my nursing college in dinner or mention it to them my parents they start to argue about how to get money. they want me to go in nursing and i want to be a nurse.

my mom is an o.r. nurse in philippines and in saudi arabia but when we migrated here in canada she have to redo her studies. it's so wrong coming here. my mom is studying and i'm studying too, my mom works 1 part-time and 1 full-time at night. my dad is working full-time, we pay rent, pay credit debt, pat taxes, eat, pay gasoline, etc. we don't go to casino, we value not to gamble money.

my problem: i'm 19 years old, i'm turning 20 in november 6. my boyfriend is in netherlands. they expect me to do well in nursing, i just hope my mother can help me in anatomy & physiology but she doesn't have time and i understand that.

i skipped 4 classes in a&p and my other courses because i got sick after i cleaned a very dirty house. i missed my lectures and my brain can't process science anymore. i'm so stress. i just hope that i don't need ocas in transferring to other colleges or else i need to find a person for credit card. i feel like this is my fate, i feel like every god that i studied in world religion is laughing at me. i feel like smashing my head against the wall till i stop thinking alternative ways to get to rpn. my parents doesn't know that tomorrow is the deadline to pay for semester 2, i'm going to withdraw the courses, i waste 2,000+ canadian dollars + books..

i know life has ups and down and i know that some people have worst problem than me but i guess i just need help or an advice from you. so i can continue living and have a good life like most professional nurses in canada have. i admire them.