I feel dumb.

[sarahg88]

I am looking for reassurance, the truth, and insight on how to deal with something that happened and has been happening for awhile. I have been an LPN on an acute care/general internal medicine unit since june 2011. I am a fairly new grad finishing school in april 2011. I have always felt stupid at work. Always feel like i dont know what im doing and am missing the fine detail. I have never had a complaint about my work and people seem to enjoy working with me until today. I am one of those people who goes to work as a big ball of sunshine. I dont see the point in being a ***** when your day is tough is just brings everybody down. Our manager is never around so many problems Do not get addressed and she doesn't want to hear any negativity (direct quote) and we consistantly run understaffed. I had 2 patients which needed constant observation and was denied due to budget cuts although the night staff was approved. Days are when they are awake! Hello! .. So my day was off to a fine start when theres a man urinating on the floor in front of me and a delerious lady crying out for her non existant puppy rubbing her arms and legs raw from her aggitation in restraints. I piped up and said how i felt like this was staff abuse and that i needed the extra help and the charge nurse looked at me and said "you'll have to talk to the manager" who wasn't there today. She didn't care to get me help at all! And another nurse was snooty and said "i dont understand why people complain that were short staffed just suck it up and learn how to do your job" while meanwhile im standing next to her. I felt like a baby sparrow being eaten by the big **** hawk. Knowing this nurse if it were her assignment all hell would be broken loose and she would be complaining +++. And heres me, a person who never complains, getting sh*t on by people who i thought cared about me. This is the beginning of the day..... After my horrific day of changing beds over and over and mopping urine of the floor and chasing naked people down the hall i am forced to go to an inservice which i have had no preparation for. I go in, watch a little 5 minute video in enternal feedings and am asked a number of questions by a clinical nurse educator. One being on aspirating stomach content to determine how well someone is tolerating their tube feeding. i knew nothing of this and if i did it was in school almost 2 years ago. Well some of these questions i was unable to answer and found myself completley lost and the 2 Educators made me feel like i was THIS small. Like an idiot and seemed worried about me not understanding the questions. I got a pass by the skin of my teeth. I left feeling inferior and incompetent and saw that some of my other co workers scored 100%. Here i am with my embarrassing 80%. I want to crawl in a hole and hide after burning my mrsa infested scrubs and never return to work again. am i overreacting!? Nursing has made me a paranoid anxious mess.