I feel calm, but pts and coworkers say I look frazzled

[marisatheresa]

Help! I'm a BSN -RN. I'm 8 months into my first job. I work day shift on a very busy med-surg unit. From the first day I started, I've received consistent feedback that I "look stressed." Coworkers frequently ask me "are you doing ok?" - even on days when things are going great. Last week, a patient complained to my director that his nurse looked "frazzled," although, he had only favorable comments about my clinical skills, knowledge, and interpersonal skills -ironically, he was my easiest patient that day! Coworkers frequently tell me to "calm down," but they so far, they haven't been able to pinpoint what it is about me that makes me look uncalm." Sometimes, I feel that if I get any calmer, I would be comotase, but apparently that's not the effect I'm projecting to others. Can anyone offer any insight on this?

[abooker]

Hi. I'm an ADN -RN, and I'm only three months into my first job, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I wasn't going to post, but I don't want you to feel like your concern is being ignored.

If you're receiving consistent feedback that you look stressed or frazzled, then you look stressed or frazzled. If you feel calm, then you are calm. The two are not mutually exclusive. I am helping a pt with "smiling depression". Maybe you are her opposite?

I think this is like that age-old question my husband dreads; "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" There's no way to answer it correctly. If he says I look heavy, then he feels like he has insulted me. If he says it looks wonderful, then he feels like he has been manipulated into complementing me. Either way, he feels bad. But really ... I want to know if I look ok, and that's frustrating. He won't elaborate if I ask what about the dress makes me heavy, so I can find something in a different style.

Would I insult you if I asked what you thought about investing in some psychological testing? They have scales that might help you get a grip on how you and the world interact, and discover if there really is a disconnect. Please consider stepping on a scale.

Personally, I think you're brilliant. You're on a med-surg unit on day shift, so you've got the MDs and visitors and meals and ADLs and all sorts of crazy things happening, and you haven't even been there a year. Management might already be leaning on you to join various committees and you know your co-workers well enough that there is the inevitable social interruption to look at pics of the new grandchild or listen to someone's bout with a kidney stone. Looking frazzled would be a great time management tool. Your excellent clinical skills, knowledge and interpersonal skills cannot be compromised for the sake of time, but looking "uncalm" is a great non-verbal cue to others that they need to let you scoot on to your next task.

I think you have a *great* look, and if you figure out how you do it, please let me know. I need to copy you during the med pass, so folks will only interrupt me if it is urgent. :)

[Guest717236]

8 months into your nursing job? What exactly are people looking for?

Perhaps you are calm, and you are

thinking through your assignment, what your nursing priorities are,

and your nursing interventions as they unfold for your patients.

Could it be staff and patients are mistaking your concentration for "frazzled"?

Who is anyone kidding? What are the nurse staffing ratios on your floor?

To meet patient needs, it takes lots of energy and the demands on a

nurse are some of the most challenging today. You have a lot of considerations in caring for your patients, what look are you supposed to have?

Instead of psychological testing, I would find a nurse mentor, not connected

with your floor. Have that individual review how you approach your day

and how you can increase your comfort level. You are too new at nursing

to be treated in this manner. If your skills and judgement in nursing

tasks are spot on, then it is a matter of time and experience for you to

look more relaxed.

This floor will risk losing a good nurse if they continue this feedback without

specifics and as you are still new assistance in what area they feel

you can improve in.

Good luck and please keep us posted.