Help!! New Grad ready to leave the NICU!!

[vleblance]

Not sure where to start. First of all, working in the NICU was my dream job out of nursing school. I worked hard to set myself up to get the job and now that I am working there, I feel like I'm not being supported. First of all I've been in training for approximately 8 weeks and was supposed to have weekly evals but have only had three so far. My first one to my surprise was needs improvement across the board but at the time it was explained to me that that is expected being that I am new. My second eval was approximately a month later after I had already been advanced to level 3 and given a new preceptor. This preceptor gave me needs improvement also and never discussed with me any particular area I need improvement in and never once gave me negative feedback. It was almost as if she went along with what my first preceptor said. Mind you, this whole time I'm under the impression I'm doing a good job. After the second evaluation in my manager's office I brought up the fact that I have no problem with constructive feedback and learning but how can I know what to work on if no one is telling me. After we were out of the office I calmly but firmly asked my preceptor to give me feedback in areas she sees I need work in so I won't feel cornered in the managers office. From that point I hoped we were on the same page. She proceeds to gossip about my situation to all the other nurses because I guess she felt since I am the newbie I have no right to stand up for myself. So I begin to feel like the other nurses are giving my looks and alienating me. There was even a point my preceptor asked another nurse to help me change tpn and lipids on a little neo and the two nurses looked at me and looked away like no, and my preceptor shrugs her shoulders and leaves me standing there. I figured it out, but it would have been nice to have that guidance. Believe me there are many other scenarios but I'm trying not to write a book. The final straw was when she talks down to me when I am trying to suction a pt on a vent so bad that a froze up and she accused me of compromising the patients airway. I couldn't believe it, I have never been so angry at work in my life. I again explained to her I felt she was being condescending to me and I just wanted her to have some patience with me and teach me without the attitude. I was practically begging her to teach me. I also suggested that maybe we aren't a good fit and maybe I need a new preceptor. She looked at me like she wanted to spit fire. I later found out she tried to pawn me off on another preceptor, but not before telling her what she thought about me further ruining my reputation that I have yet to establish making me look as if I am confrontational and hard to deal with. I'm not going to let her blatantly disrespect me. I feel like I am in the movie mean girls or something. At this point, I've decided I can't take it anymore because I feel like I am being set up to fail. I have prn job in a different area and at this point I am ready to ask them to make me full time asap and leave the hospital. My greatest concern is providing safe care to the patients and also protecting my license. I'm sorry this is so long but I wasn't expecting nurses to be outright cruel to me because I am new. Any thoughts would be appreciated.