Please proof/reword read my letter

[samaletta]

I will be graduating from a community college in May. I am applying to an accelerated RN-BSN program. But I am applying as a student nurse and before I graduate.

I called the college and asked them about my situation and to see if I could apply now. See, you have to be a Registered Nurse, and a graduate of a nursing school to do the program. I explained to the woman that I wanted to apply prior to graduating from the college I am enrolled in b/c of financial aid / fasfa and that sort of thing. I was also worried that I would not be able to get a spot in the class if I waited until after I graduated to apply, That would have been only 3 months before the start of their classes. she told me that I could, but that I would have to send a cover letter with my application stating:

-my current GPA

-and that I UNDERSTAND that I can NOT take classes until I graduate and pass state boards.

so thats what my letter says. I also thought that maybe I should mention my letter of recommendations, my transcript, and a copy of my license, b/c that is what usually accompanies the application, am I wrong for putting that extra paragraph in there?

I know it's crappy, but all my writing is. I hate writing!!! I spent almost 2 hours writing this letter and I don't feel comfortable about it at ALL!!

If you can, will you please go over it, change what doesn't sound right, maybe reword some things. I know this is a weird request, but I am so desperate!! Maybe you could quote the letter and then make the changes to it. Thank you so much for taking the time to even read this far!

this is just the body of the letter.

Dear Ms. Doe:

I am currently attending the Community College of xxxxxx County's nursing program. I will be graduating in May of 2007, and hope to continue my nursing education at XXXXXX College in the fall of 2007.

My current grade point average is a 3.58. I am applying for the accelerated RN - BSN program. I understand that in order to start classes at XXXXXX College in the fall I will first have to graduate from the nursing program at the Community College of xxxxxx County, and then pass the National Council Licensing Exam and become a Registered Nurse.

My letters of recommendation should be arriving within the next 2 weeks. I will mail my college transcripts following graduation from the current nursing program in which I am enrolled in. A copy of my nursing license will also be mailed prior to the start of classes.

I hope that you will consider my application for the RN - BSN program . I am applying for the program with the hopes that XXXXXX College will allow me to contiue my education and help me move toward my nursing educational goals. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Me

[atwtrn]

Dear Ms. Doe:

I am currently attending the Community College of xxxxxx County’s nursing program. I anticipate graduation in May of 2007, and desire to continue my nursing education at XXXXXX College in the fall of 2007.

My current grade point average is a 3.58. I am applying for the accelerated RN - BSN program. I understand that in order to begin study at XXXXXX College in the fall I must graduate from the nursing program at the Community College of xxxxxx County and pass the National Council Licensing Exam.

My letters of recommendation should be arriving within the next two weeks. I will mail my college transcripts following graduation, as well as a copy of my nursing license.

Please consider my application for the RN - BSN program . I am applying for the program with the hopes that XXXXXX College will allow me to continue my education and help me move toward my nursing educational goals. **maybe elaborate on your goals**Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.

Sincerely,

Me

*** I made some changes to your letter. Hope this helps!

-SJ

[samaletta]

Thank you so much!! It does help!