Loyalty and Education

[KalipsoRed]

So I'm having two personal dilemmas about my job right now. For the most part I like my job. I work nights on a semi-critical care telemetry unit. My hospital tries to call us a step-down unit for cardiac surgery, but I've been to bigger hospitals where they have real step-down units so that's why I call us a semi-critical care unit. Most of our patients are recovering for CABGs or pulmonary resections. I like my floor because we can have very sick patients that I learn a lot from and have to do a lot of critical thinking, but I like the fact that it isn't that way every night that I go to work. My issue is that I work nights. I have been a night shifter for almost a year. I tried starting out on days as a new grad but I almost went insane and thought about quitting nursing before I went to nights. The thing is that I really am a day person. I feel like I missing out on my life by working nights because it messes with my sleeping pattern so much. I'm one of those night shifters that tries to live a day schedule on the days I'm off. I know that doesn't work well, but I can't help it. I love my coworkers and the comradre that night shift has, but lately I've been finding myself tempted to go back todays. I'm seriously afraid of going back to days though because it was really rough and I'm not sure if I could handle it even now. I've also been thinking that maybe floor nursing isn't my path to whatever it is I want to become as a nurse. I'm kind of getting tired of having complete care patients, of cleaning up poop and dressing and redressing pressure ulcers. For those of you out there that have caddy remarks like 'what did you think you would be doing' or 'this is all part of the job' I'm well aware of that and feel free not to respond to my question. I clean my patients with deligence and compassion, just because I'm getting tired of doing it doesn't mean I'm going to not do it. I'm just kind of lost were to go now. I really love and feel a great loyalty to the people I work with and my manager. I'm afraid that if I switch to days I'll freak out again and let them down and while I've been looking at a M-F job in endoscopy, I'm sometimes unsure if I want to leave my floor. I'm afriad that endoscopy will be boring (so any of you guys who work it please tell me how you like your job). I also feel like I'm ready to change something, that it is time for me to expand somehow and that I need to go back to sleeping at night because I'm tired of being tired all the time.

The other issue is that even though I've looked at other jobs out side my hospital, I can't leave for 6 more months because of my contract.

Another issue for me is that I just met someone I'm really interested in and he works days. It might seem stupid, but I really want to spend the time to get to know him better and we work opposite schedules.

Finally, I think part of the reason that I'm afraid to work days is that I don't feel like I'm smart enough. I've learned a lot in the last year and a half about nursing, but I don't feel like I've learned anything in a while. I do read and do educational stuff on the computer, but things just don't come together for me unless I'm doing them. I think that is a big reason I was a C student in nursing school. I'm trying to read things that relate to what I do, like articles about stents, IVC filters, so on and so forth, but the information doesn't seem to stick.

So in short I guess I want to know how those of you who went from nights to days felt when you did it and if you have any tips on the difference in orginization from nightshift to days? How to be alright making a decision to leave a floor I really like to try something new. And how those of you who are not such the book worm sort of learners get your education so that you can apply it better to your work setting?

I hope this made some sort of sense and thank you ahead of time for your response.:loveya:

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

I did not get the loyalty-education connection. In general you seem like you will never be happy on nights. If you are trying to get a degree and working nights TEMPORARILY helps you do that, then stick it out. A few months is nothing compared to years of value from the degree. The guy - if he is real he can wait too and will learn that you can set goals then work them through. Nice quality in a partner. As for smarts, sounds like a "I want an excuse to quit". Are you going to get any smarter staying on nights or quitting school? I believe you are tired and do not yet see the rewards for your labor. It is all temporary. It is a loop to jump thru. This too will pass. Anyway, who says you have to stay in a hospital after graduation?