Funny....

[Robin61970]

I know there is a post for jokes and nursing humor, but i have gotten more accustomed to those people here and wanted to share these with you all....Hope you enjoy them

A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her

>baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,

>lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I

>noticed that there are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an

>elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big

>breaths,"I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the

>patient.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

>that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.

>Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of

>the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart. "

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual

>acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and

>began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line

>perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I

>requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top

>line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he

>was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to

>finish the exam.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he

>informed his doctor that he was having trouble

>with one of his medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch.

>The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running

>out of places to put it!"

>The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped

>he wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the

>instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a

>new one.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,

>"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete

>confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband

>was alive."

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's

>your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the

>Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.

>I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled

>"KY Jelly."

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>And of course, the best is saved for last:

>The Surgeon's Note.

>A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman

>with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a

>variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was

>quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was

>scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the

>operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,

>and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."

>Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note

>on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the

>lawn".