frustrated and depressed Mom

Posted

Hi everyone.

let me preface by saying I am an alliled health student ( nuc med tech) . Since there are no forums for my healthcare speciality, I hope it is okay for me to seek advice, opinions on this forum.

Right now, I am in a bad place. I am questioning my choice in careers everyday. This will be my second career. I left my first one 10 years go when my oldest two children were just babies. I really wanted to go into healthcare ( Physical therapy being my first choice) but the timing was never right. I had a third child and wanted to devote all my time to my kids.

Anyway I spend the last few years taking all my science prereqs. I wasn't quite sure what allied health field I wanted to go into ( nursing, diagnostic imaging, occupational therapy, audiology). Some of the schooling just seemed too long ( for instance PT or PA). I finally settled on Nuc med. The people I talked to in the field seemed to enjoy it and said I would have no trouble finding a part time job.

Well, here I am today, I am in my last semester of classes and still have about 650 clinical hours to do. I have already invested alot of time and money ( $13 K) into the program and I really do not like iit nor do I feel that I am adequetley trained. I find the work somewhat boring and repetative. I feel like there is very little autonomy. It is the same thing day to day. You have to answer to the radiologists for everything and some of them are quite grumpy. I hate my clinical site. It is a very busy hospital. Some of the tech's just igonore me. There is no clinical site supervisor or teacher. You are just expected to what the techs and learn. If I am lucky, one of the tech's will have a monment to explain things to me but usually not. I often feel like I am invisable. I am so discouraged that I cry everyday on the way home.

My dilemma is this. My husband and family would freak out if I quit now. I am somewhat close to finishing ( March). My husband feels like he has sacrificed alot for me. I really do not have a back up plan. I am always in a bad mood. I am so stressed tryingto get the kids dressed and out the door by 7:30 so I can drive half an hour and then take a shuttle to get me to the hospital. I don't get home until 5:30 PM. BY then I am pooped. I am on my feet all day with barely so much as an opportunity to go to the bathroom. Also I have to go long hours without eating or drinking.

My relationship with my husband is on the rocks. He does not help with the cleaning , laundry or cooking. I have to do it all- go to school, clean, make sure the kids are doing thier homework. All the while, he is sleeping or watching TV. I am very resentful and have been contemplating seperation,

Are these feelings normal? I have no one else to talk to. Every one else in the program seems to like it and loves there clinical site. I don't want to seem like a complainer.

Is there anyone else there that is contemplating quitting? Another dilemma I have is finding a job. Supposedlly, I find out now that most nuc med jobs are full time with call. I went into healthcare because I thought it would offer me more flexability than corporate. I think I would have a mental breakdown at this point if I had to work full time. It seems like other modalities ( ultrasound, MRI) have much more flexability.

Sorry for the long rant. I am just feeling so down and depressed everyday. I feel like nothing in my life is going right. I just go through the motions with little joy. The thought of quitting this late in the game scares me but I am also scared of being locked into a career that I do not enjoy.

Monica

Monica,

I feel for you. I'm now an RN, but when I was in LPN classes I made it 9 months and quit. My family thought I was crazy. I think I was for a little while. I stayed out a month when the instructor called me and really talked with me about why I left. I realized through talking with her that I was a perfectionist and expected to know it all...right now. It doesn't work that way we all know, but I felt I was not living up to my potential when in reality, my instructors thought I was an excellent student. I ended up going back and I had to make up the time I lost, but I graduated.

Then as an RN, it took my almost 7 years to find the area I love. I contemplated quitting so many times. I was very distraught about spending so much time learning (and money) and feeling miserable in everything I did. I loved patients but hated everything else about nursing. It was 19 months ago that I began home health and I finally feel satisfied. I love the company I work for and the other nurses are very supportive of each other. I finally feel like a nurse.

Your feelings are normal. Even now, because I work a lot of hours, my husband and I have problems sometimes. He resents the hours I put in, but never complains about the size of the checking account. Is there any other clinical site you could go to. Maybe it's not the career, but the people that are surrounding you right now.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best and hope you find fulfillment in whatever choice you make. I know I didn't really offer advice, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. Take care.

Kelly

Because I work a lot of hours, my husband and I have problems sometimes. He resents the hours I put in, but never complains about the size of the checking account.

This is what I hate about what has happened to women in our society today. I'm all for equality and freedom of choice etc.. so don't get me wrong, but it's like we've come forward and our husbands are still too lazy to catch up. Now, not only are we supposed to work and help keep that checking account full, we're supposed to be awesome moms and housekeepers and bookeepers and household secretaries and supermodels on top of it. All while they go to work, come home and watch TV or do their own thing, and then sleep? And then repeat daily? Where's the equality in that? Anyway... sorry for the detour.

To the OP I could so feel your pain as I was reading your post. If it were me I would feel the need to reflect on where my life was at and what I was wanting. As overwhelmed as I would feel in your position I would even consider seeking out a counselor to help me determine my focus and work through the difficulties.

However, considering where I was at in the program I think I would go ahead and finish understanding that how things are in school rarely reflects how they will be in the workplace. I would cast aside my assumption that I would be completely prepared and ready to go upon graduation and I would try to remind mysef that the REAL learning really begins after graduation. I would also reason that once I'd graduated and started working I'd be in a better position to determine how the career is working out for me and where I might want to go with it.

And I would take what others are saying about having to work full time w/ call with a grain of salt and would instead start enquiring at places I would like to work about their policies. Word of mouth can be a vicious thing.

Stay strong.

Thanks for all your replies and understanding. It helps to talk to other women who can empathise. I had a long talk with a fellow student who is much more mature and she helped me gain some insight. She spent several months at this clinical site and told me it is a very stressful enviroment. I guess the hardest part is there is no one really there to train you . Its not like in nursing or radiography where there is a clinical supervisor who makes sure you get your skills down. Here you are on your own and at the mercy of your clinical site

I guess I will stick it out. I already paid for the program and made it through the hardest part as far as the courses are concerned. I still do not feel that this may be the right career for me but maybe when I feel more confident with my skills and in a different enviroment , I will start feeling better about it. I can't switch clinical sites because I jsut was assaigned to this one. Oh well. At least I know what type of enviroment I do not want to work in.

I will see a counsler. I need to put things in perspective. I have alot of issues going on simultaniously. It does not help that all my girlfriends live out of state.

Thanks again

Monica

Hi Monica. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Reading your post made me feel very sad for you. Sounds as though you're really overloaded and your husband isn't doing a great deal to help with that load. Unfortunately I hear these things a lot. I don't have advice about what to do about your hubby, but are their any family members around who can help you out? Perhaps making a couple pots of soup for the kids through the week so you can devote more time to you? I know this sounds a little crazy but I actually offered my mom $40 a week do come help catch me up on my laundry and do some housework. It's cheaper than hiring a maid service and let me tell you...IT IS THE BEST MONEY I'VE EVER SPENT!!!!! Plus, I trust her not to steal from me LOL. It's a win-win situation. She gets paid and I have a clean house for the weekend and it allows me to study and not be worried about the dishes and the piles of laundry. I also set up online bill pay so I don't even have to worry about when everything is due and running to the gas company at midnight to get my payment in because I forgot. :chuckle We had to cut back on some expenses in order to do this...less tv channels, less eating out, but it's helped my stress level tremendously. Anyhow, these are just some suggestions. I hope you can find some peace. Sounds as though you need a vacation!

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