Let's start off by saying I love what I do.
(long winded rant?/explanation of my life incoming)
I've been in critical care nursing for 7 years now and I still find my self on off days reading/learning about drugs and advanced patho/pharm because I'm one of the people that love to try and know as much as I can. I love to teach; being a preceptor/mentor to new hires gives me even more reason to read/learn so I can be the best preceptor possible. I love to help people find comfort when they have a loved one that's on the brink of demise. I love to help other nurses out when they need it. I never say no to a turn. When appropriate, I always try and make the day light by singing my best Creed karaoke underneath my breath at the Pyxis. When is someone is having a bad day, I make sure I help them out, even if it's just grabbing them a coffee or passing their other patient's morning meds, if I can. I guess I get my sense of service/helping others out from my CNA days and from my mother (most generous person I've ever met;Happy Mothers day mom!).
BUT....I am having a problem.
I guess you could say, I am missing something; a higher "need".
As a nurse, I've always worked hard at becoming the best nurse I could be. From training to be a charge nurse as soon as possible, taking the CCRN when I was immediately eligible, being on committees, preceptor, and other extracurricular teams;I tried to be the model nurse.
Right now, I am at a "Top 10" hospital and see the highest level acuity patients. Although I feel like I am getting stimulated from the complexity of these cases, I just still feel like I am missing something. My mentality of trying to be the best nurse I can be feels like it is being capped out right now, hence this long rant.
At my hospital, it's like a revolving door for CRNA hopefuls. Not even CRNA hopefuls, but grad school students in general. The saying at this hospital is if you want to do CRNA school, being in my unit is the best place you should be.
Not to dog my once fellow co-workers, but they just come through, get their 1.5 year/2 year experience and go to school. I mean, good for them, but I don't know, maybe I'm just jealous because they have a goal/purpose and are working towards it and I'm just stuck here at Starbucks drinking my coffee and reading about Stewart's strong ion difference.
People at work tell me that I should go back to school, and I usually have just scoffed and said I am happy doing what I am doing now,but that has increasingly been becoming more and more false over the last year.
So, I reached out to my CRNA educator and got in touch with someone and set up a shadow last week. Going in, I had my thoughts and ideas about what a CRNA does, which turns out, was a little different. I think it had to do with the CRNA that I shadowed. He was very impressive. He blew me away with his pharmacology knowledge and his demeanor. From his bedside manner/approach to fearful patients, to his skill set in the OR, he had me admiring him by the end of the day. Turns out, he is the Chief CRNA and even teaches at a few of the local universities. We left with a few pleasantries and he told me to come back for another day to get more of an experience (which I am hopeful will be this week).
The whole idea of being at the head of the bed and in charge of someones hemodynamics and being like "hey, you see that bp/heart rate? yeah, I did that" gives me a sense of worth/power (not that I don't have that now, since in our unit you have A LOT of control over hemodynamics (gtts/ECMO/etc.), just a different type). On my way home I was like, "Yeah, I could DEFINITELY see myself doing that." But after that shadow "high", I was like, man....I might miss the whole bedside interaction and all of the "pow-wows" we have with the fellows/residents on we should do that and we should do this. I truly do love the ICU rounds, listening in/learning, and chiming in here and there when appropriate to help out. Over time, I've gained that trust with the attendings/fellows/residents; it's fun to talk about complex cases.
It got me thinking; yeah I think I would miss the "whole" picture critical care portion of my career. Managing a really sick patient and all of their systems is something that I would love to do. With that being said, why don't I just become an APN and get a job as a critical care NP and round with the ICU team and help them out? Yeah, I think that would be really fun, but I still feel like I would be missing out on the whole " I am in charge of their airway/hemodynamics" because the residents/fellows would steal that spotlight in the ICU.
I have heard of people eventually getting DUAL NP degrees (eventually) so that they could do both OR stuff, in addition to an ICU roll (which sounds AWESOME, yet terrifyingly so much school).
SO. Here I am. On allnurses. Looking for anything. Any type of guidance/experience/pearls of wisdom you can give me.
Obviously, any and ALL feedback/thoughts are appreciated but specifically, I am looking for that RN that LOVED the ICU and everything about it, but decided to go back to CRNA school. How are you feeling about the change?
Thank you all for coming this far and reading this entire post. Thank you so much!
