New(ish) nurse What's wrong with me, HELP!

[rabbitgirrl]

Hello, I graduated with an associate's-degree RN about 1.5 year ago. I was great in my studies. I have always been an A student, and jumped over the "book stuff" in a single bound, but struggled with clinicals. With some instructors, I was fine, and with others, I couldn't do anything right.

My first job was in ICU stepdown. I had 9 different preceptors and also was slow, almost always staying late after my shift. I was not invited to stay after my probation, but we also had six patients apiece with vents, drips, and tele.

My next job was at an ECF, I won't say which, because SO many things there were crazy illegal and dangerous. I hoped to help, but gave up after 3 months.

I am now working for an agency. The place I was doing per-diem at was a little crazy, too, with many units fully staffed by agency and no orientation aside from an 11-minute intro to the Pyxys. after three months, again, I was asked not to come back.

I have never been bad at anything in my life, but I am afraid that I am a bad clinician. I am almost always slow and behind, although I am pretty fast on most individual clinical skills themselves. I am very careful with patients, procedures, and meds, but if any of my patients were to go bad, I would never have time to watch the others, barely time to call a doc. I don't lounge or dally, I am fast at assessment, I am constantly moving, and I know how my night should be organized-there is just never enough time.

I am very confused as to whether I have some mysterious, fatal flaw, or if I have just not found my spot, or if everyone else is desparate, too, and just not showing it. I want to be better, but don't know where to turn, and I dread loosing another job.

Please, any ideas or advice is welcome.

Thank you for reading. Happy holidays.

[Mahage, LPN]

Hello, I graduated with an associate's-degree RN about 1.5 year ago. I was great in my studies. I have always been an A student, and jumped over the "book stuff" in a single bound, but struggled with clinicals. With some instructors, I was fine, and with others, I couldn't do anything right.

My first job was in ICU stepdown. I had 9 different preceptors and also was slow, almost always staying late after my shift. I was not invited to stay after my probation, but we also had six patients apiece with vents, drips, and tele.

My next job was at an ECF, I won't say which, because SO many things there were crazy illegal and dangerous. I hoped to help, but gave up after 3 months.

I am now working for an agency. The place I was doing per-diem at was a little crazy, too, with many units fully staffed by agency and no orientation aside from an 11-minute intro to the Pyxys. after three months, again, I was asked not to come back.

I have never been bad at anything in my life, but I am afraid that I am a bad clinician. I am almost always slow and behind, although I am pretty fast on most individual clinical skills themselves. I am very careful with patients, procedures, and meds, but if any of my patients were to go bad, I would never have time to watch the others, barely time to call a doc. I don't lounge or dally, I am fast at assessment, I am constantly moving, and I know how my night should be organized-there is just never enough time.

I am very confused as to whether I have some mysterious, fatal flaw, or if I have just not found my spot, or if everyone else is desparate, too, and just not showing it. I want to be better, but don't know where to turn, and I dread loosing another job.

Please, any ideas or advice is welcome.

Thank you for reading. Happy holidays.

I doubt you have a fatal flaw. Sounds like you just do the job. I work on ICU stepdown (IMCU)and we have 3 pts each and that is all anyone should have to handle at that acuity level. Sounds like you have found some bad jobs. Agency is hard because you have to go in new all the time. When you have lots of experience and confidence that is onething, but you don't have a lot of either. My guess is you do your job well. I would say look for a hospital with a reputation for a fair work load or perhaps try another area such as mental health/psych nursing. Totally different atmosphere.

I hope things get better for you. I think you have had some tough breaks.

Mahage

[rabbitgirrl]

Tears of graditude. Thank you!