Feeling Discouraged

Jayelove · Dec 18, 2019

I transferred to a 4 year university for fall '17 after I decided that I wanted to become a nurse. Not even a few weeks into the fall semester and living on campus I found out that my mother breast cancer came back. She was in the hospital for about a week before I found out but I knew it I could feel it. She died the following summer. and my last living grandparent ended up dying two weeks before my mother died. Fast forward now. I've failed and had to retake a lot of prerequisites because i've failed to give myself proper time to grieve and depression and anxiety takes over. I so desperately wanted to be one of those people who "overcome hardship" without realizing the work and healing i needed to put in.

The pass semester has been another bad one I was doing so good until I wasn't and I'm not even sure when I messed up. but I'm ready to hold myself accountable and get the help I need. I really want to start applying to nursing schools for the fall semester but my biggest fear is their going to look at all my repeated classes and reject me but i'm so sure and confident that once I start the process of healing and getting help from a therapist and changing how i approach things, I can not only succeed this spring semester but In nursing schools.

My moms nurses made me want to achieve this goal more. When she was in the hospital she would tell each and every nurse that I was studying to be a nurse and when I would go see her, she would introduced me to them and they would say "i head so much about you , i heard your studying to be a nurse." and her smile would just beam.When she died and I was going back to see her, I was bawling my eyes out in the hallway and a nurse just hugged me until I let go of her. without hesitation. Nurses have been there with my family and myself in so many times of need. It extends past the patients its giving the family comfort too. I want to help people and treat people, be there in their time of need. because it makes all the difference. Just praying that I get that chance.