Failed... and now I'm going back

I feel that the fact that you're still beating yourself up for having to repeat means you have to motivation to try again and do better. Were you putting studying ahead of creature comforts last time? I figure it's Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a lot of students push themselves to study, study, study, but don't get meaningful results from all of the work because they aren't eating, sleeping, getting some fresh air, etc. I'd put my money on a rested, nourished student who studied for 12 hours over the exhausted, twitchy student who studied for 20.

Try not to get overwhelmed by the thought "what if I fail again?" That's something in the future that could happen. You could also get hit by a meteor, right? If you want to do this, I would suggest taking that anxiety and applying it to a single, discrete day at a time so you can funnel it into a more productive energy. Even if it didn't go how you had hoped the first time around, there's no better way to learn how to take on a challenged than to have tried and failed before in my opinion. Take care and good luck.

I don't know if I can help, but I'll try.

I had a similar situation. I NEVER studied growing-up, so I always did bad in school. I just never paid attention, never did homework, and I NEVER tried. When I did start trying (in high school) it was extremely difficult for me, and I still just couldn't believe that I had to spend so much time studying. The problem was not resolved by the time I completed high school, so when I started college, I did terrible. I suppose the first semester was okay (I think I made As, except for an F in US History. It was soooo boring and I just didn't want to study). The other classes were easy. My second semester, I failed 2 more courses (or 3? I don't remember now). Those classes would be Physical Geology, US History (again, for some reason, the class is called US History but 80% of the course was studying the presidential elections in the 1800s. Kill me. I could not concentrate or find curiosity in that.) The courses were reading-intensive and study-intensive... So, I was very overwhelmed and just gave-up.

After 2 years, I'm going back to school now, too. I just started my CNA course this week and I think I've changed for the better. I really do enjoy studying (there are very few topics I don't find interesting). Going to school part-time and not working is helping me significantly. I have time to process and I don't feel rushed or like I don't have enough free time (oddly enough, now that I have it, I actually prefer studying over personal hobbies). Of course, not everyone has this opportunity, but if you can go part-time, that might help a lot.

The biggest thing that helped me was changing my mindset. Just take it step by step. Stay organized and keep a to-do list, so you can clearly see what you need to do, and just focus on completing each step. When you're reading, just focus on comprehending the subject and ignore all of the other things you have to do. In every moment, you're just doing what you need to do, and the rest will follow.

Also, enjoy the small things. At night when I have to stay up studying, I cuddle with my husband in bed for a little while and that relaxes me and "warms me" up. My cockatiel likes to sit on my shoulder or on my computer, too, so I don't feel lonely. I also keep things "interesting" by listening to non-distracting music (usually "relaxing" kingdom hearts soundtracks, or studio ghibli soundtracks... or just piano). I also have a color-changing lamp!!! I curl up with a mug of "arctic white" hot chocolate and get comfortable. Doing these "silly" things makes me think that this moment isn't so bad, it's going quite well, and then coupling that with just focusing on what you can do at the moment seems to make everything accomplishable.

Anyways, hopefully some of this might help with your situation. Good luck!