Entrance Essay. Any suggestion please!

[Ruhi0907]

Q: Describe any skills, experiences, personal attributes that you feel make you a good fit for the profession of nursing.

Ever since I was little kid I always had a desire to help and care for people on their time of needs. Growing up in a third world country Bangladesh has greatly influenced my desire. I've seen people in great poverty. From infants, disabled to elderly spend day's front of the hospital begging for money so they can afford medical care for themselves or their ill loved ones. Whenever I saw them I felt so weak, so sad. I really wanted to help them but there wasn't much I could do but to hope that one day I will.

I was blessed enough to come to the United State and find out the vast opportunity of professions medical field has to offer. It made me more aware of the lack of medical care back home and gave me more than the desire to become a nurse and someday go back to do my part to make things a little better. Another incident where I knew I wanted to be a nurse is when my mom was in the emergency for a bad asthma attack. I was by her bed bawling my eyes out and her nurse Kathleen took my hand and told me to have faith and everything will be ok. A 14 year old really needed those 2 minutes of comfort. I chose nursing because this will allow me help my patient with the knowledge ill gain but it'll also allow me to spend a lot of time with patients and build lasting relationships. I want to repay the kindness that was shown to me.

Following my passion I got my certification as Nursing assistant through a scholarship program while I was in high school. It gives me great joy to help my resident and see them smile. I went little bit further and became a med tech. Working as CNA assured me I want to learn more and advance my knowledge. This experience taught me great skill such as being patient. I've learned to be empathic to provide comfort. I believe it is very important to understand what your patient feeling and provide guidance. If you can totally put yourself in the place of who you are caring for, you will do nothing but provide excellent care. As CNA I communicated with variety of audience such as patients, nurses, facility administration, patients' family etc. Through all those experience I learned to convey important information in way that's clear, concise, and creates an atmosphere of trust for everyone involved. I have the drive and determination to achieve my goal. I'm also caring, thoughtful and open. I believe my qualities would reflect on me being a nurse and would me a successful one.

Having a chance to become a nurse would give me the opportunity not only pursue something I love as my career it would also help me fulfill that childhood dream of mine of helping someone in their weakest time.

[idkmybffjill]

See if you can find someone to edit for grammar and flow, as there are several awkward phrasing and some grammatical errors.

I would be hesitant to use the hospital incident in the second paragraph, as it doesn't really answer the question. In that paragraph, you are more going on about why you want to be a nurse, but the question wants to know why YOU will make a good nurse. What are the characteristics, skills, and experiences you have that will make you a good nurse, regardless of why you want to be one? It might also be good to explicitly state why your experience in Bangladesh and then your experience seeing the disparity once coming to the US will make you a good nurse. Essentially, explaining what makes you more qualified than someone else because of that.

You want to expand more on your actual experiences as a CNA and tech. You don't want to just list characteristics and skills. You want to show them through examples and details. Instead of just saying, "I am skilled in creating a trusting relationship with patients," you might say, "During my 3 years as a CNA, I constantly connected with each resident, sitting beside them, holding their hands, and listening as they spoke about their issues and problems. Through this, I became someone that the residents would often confine in, giving me the opportunities to comfort them in certain instances and, in other cases, to alert the appropriate staff to problems that could be fixed." You can also just give a time that you displayed that characteristic.

To do this though, you might need to focus more on a small number characteristics, which isn't a bad thing because then you can really dig into what you think is most important about you. It's better to fully explain 5 points than vaguely brush over 15.

[Ruhi0907]

Thank you for your suggestions!

The experience from Bangladesh and comparing to USA that it's makes me appreciate the health care system we have here... it motivates me to learn even more so some days I can go and help them out. As in like a free clinic. Mostly to not to waste because there's people who doesn't have it at all. I'm having trouble putting them into words.

Hospital example can be left out I used as an example for "giving comfort to the family member part"

And for the characteristics giving example sounds great! Thank you :)

[Ruhi0907]

Thank you for your suggestions!

The experience from Bangladesh and comparing to USA that it's makes me appreciate the health care system we have here... it motivates me to learn even more so some days I can go and help them out. As in like a free clinic. Mostly to not to waste because there's people who doesn't have it at all. I'm having trouble putting them into words.

Hospital example can be left out I used as an example for "giving comfort to the family member part"

And for the characteristics giving example sounds great! Thank you!