Embarrassing yourself in front of patients/family

[calastro, RN]

I think I just need to vent and hopefully get a few words of support.

I just finished a weekend of shifts and they were busy and stressful with a LOT of call bells 🔔 going off constantly which always seemed to be my patients. So I wasn't exactly my calmest and most patient self.

I had an interaction with a patient that didn't go great. He has LL cellulitis, & a probable infection of unknown source (awaiting results of full septic screen). He's very symptomatic with fevers and rigours and I understand he must just be feeling dreadful right now.

I go into his room to do obs and give his evening meds. His wife is in there sitting on a chair and ignores me when I greet her. Patient was very friendly with me earlier in my shift but I notice a real coldness in his demeanour now. We have patient medications in bedside drawers and it's a real problem finding space to put the med chart, I'm balancing his med chart while trying to rifle through the absolute mess of meds in his drawer. I feel them staring at me, I feel so small and incompetent. I ask him a question about his meds and he snaps at me. He calls me 'darling' in a patronising and angry tone.

He is asking about paracetamol and will he get it over night. I try to explain it's prescribed at set times throughout the day but if he feels a dose overnight will help with night fevers I can discuss changing the times with his doctor, he raises his voice in response to that and snaps at me something I can't even remember what. 
Then as I'm struggling with the folder and meds I drop the folder and the contents spill out of the file and all over the floor.

I scramble to pick it all up as I leave the room feeling humiliated and belittled and defensive.

It's now my day off and I can't get rid of this leftover feeling of handling a situation badly and a bit of embarrassment and stupidity. I'm also beating myself up as I know that this interaction is NOT a big deal. I feel pathetic over how much this has got to me. I'm a seasoned nurse I should be able to brush this off easily. 
I think I'm just a sensitive person and this just triggered me.

Anyone else ever have a similar situation where something fairly minor really sets them off? Or have you ever just felt a bit humiliated or stupid in front of someone so stern that you can't laugh it off? 
 

also no disrespect to the patient, he's sick, he's grumpy, I get it.

Thanks in advance for any replies 

[MH2016]

OMG yes it's the worst feeling. You're not alone we've all been there. Hugs