considering 2nd BSN to CRNA

[eng_nurse 2]

I started out college as a science major but pursued bioengineering for multiple reasons. I thought it would be so gratifying by creating a mechanism to help people. I thought it would be mentally satisfying to design it and then test it on patients; I also believed it would be personally satisfying to be able to see the smiles form on people's faces who now have a functional limb. Secondly, I pursued engineering as a means of proving to myself I could do something that I spent my entire life believing I could never do- a challenge that came with multiple hoops to cross.

Fast forward six years later: I'm sick of it. I am sick of feeling like I don't completely belong in this field, but even more than that, I am bored with where I am, what I'm doing. I didn't pick engineering as something I was good at, I picked because I'd like to become better at it. My interests have changed and that drive and passion no longer exists which questions my reasoning for staying in this field.

What I've also found over the past six years is that I hate doing busy work. I need work that challenges me and forces me to put in a good effort. I want a job that makes me feel valuable and responsible. I want to teach people, diagnose, solve problems in my job. However, it also needs to balance with family. Additionally, I want a job that offers me a $100,000 + salary with a 40 hour work week and no work spilling over at home.

So I have all this identified, and am considering CRNA. I have started to take steps towards volunteering in a hospital to talk to nurses and possibly meet a CRNA. I've started to look into schools and determine their prerequisites, but I think my problem is just that this all feels like they mechanical steps and are missing emotional components to it. I don't feel enthusiastic about where I am at or about the change. There isn't any passion or drive to defy all odds to become a CRNA. I am concerned about my age after I finally finish all this and start the job, I'll be 33. I never wanted kids when I finished graduate school and now if I wait, I'm worried I'll be too old and have complications with pregnancy. I wanted to enjoy being married without having school in the background.

I really enjoy science but when I see doctors or other medical professionals doing their job, I just see them doing repetitive tasks - i.e. prescribe medicine, read their charts, spend not even 10 minutes with them and bill $120 for the visit. I haven't been able to job shadow nurses or CRNAs but I am worried I'll think the same about them as well. I feel a hopeless of ever finding a career I like.

Maybe my problem is that I look too much into a job. I am expecting the same gratification from a job that I got from school. I enjoyed working hard, learning something new and then it was reinstated with a good grade. I liked working towards something, meeting people in my classes, teaching each other, being challenged, feeling smart, capable. Do people who are happy with their careers feel this or is it just something you have to tell yourself that a job is a place you go to for 8 hours a day to help you pay your bills?

Is there a CRNA out there who can inspire me? :) This is a through view of how I feel right now, would a career in CRNA hold up to those concerns? Is there something else I can do?