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Career existential crisis

As the subject line implies, I'm currently having a career existential crisis. I only have been a (per diem) circulating RN since September (due to COVID19 I didn't work for 3 months) but am questioning my decision. I always thought that I would love the work and I did for a few months, until I caught my preceptor talking about me behind my back. After that, I quickly became alienated from the staff. I work at a small children's hospital (we only run a handful of ORs at a time) so the feeling of not being supported by my coworkers and leadership is real.

However, it's not just the staff. I find myself loving the parts of the job that don't pertain to circulating... when the patient is going under the anesthesia and says, "I trust you" or when I'm the only one who can make the patient smile and laugh in the middle of crying. I also feel like mistakes are 100% unforgivable and are held against the offender. 

Is this just my hospital? Or do you think I should think about going to peds floor nursing? Thanks for your thoughts!

Silver_Rik, ASN, RN

Specializes in Perioperative / OR Nurse Intern.

Mistakes are 100% unforgivable and are held against the offender?  Do you mean that any mistake - even small ones that don't put patient safety at risk in any way - are held over your head, like you're always "the nurse who did X"

I've been called down to the office to be talked to about things that other nurses have said "I can't believe someone reported you for THAT."

I think all mistakes that don't result in harm to a patient (or immediate risk of harm) are forgivable if you learn from them and don't repeat them. 

 

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