Career change before 30?

[AussieNurse]

I've almost officially given up on my nursing career.

I resigned from my previous position in September 2021. I had been harassed, stalked and bullied by another employee, an employee who only started there about 6 months before I left, I had been there almost 2 years. Police got involved as my mum had serious concerns of him being on the same shift as me(I only worked nights there). Management became involved and all they had him do was read a couple policies. So no apology, no resolution, no help. They kept him on the same shifts as me despite me saying ill leave if they don't move him elsewhere. My mental health deteriorated severely to the point I was self harming before work and when I was at work all I did was cry. So I left. If I didn't leave when I did I probably wouldnt be here still.

Im still yet to get a job. I've submitted close to a hundred job applications and have only had a handful of interviews. Australia clearly doesnt need nurses.

I've realised that abuse, harassment, stalking, bullying, revolving door of staff/management, low wages, wages not being paid correctly, no breaks, insane workloads, unsafe ratios leading to unsafe practices, lies about having support when there really isn't any, unhelpful HR, unhelpful unions, stress, depression, and self harm, its just not worth it anymore.

Im 27 and physically, mentally, emotionally burnt out from being a nurse. Im starting to realise that it really wasnt worth going in to!! All that money, years of training all down the drain. But I blame myself because I chose that path, to willingly enter a toxic career. I'll be paying off a huge study debt for the rest of my life.

I say almost because this new job im now yet to start might change things. It's my last chance at staying in the career. It's casual so if im still sick of it ill go ahead with my plan to do a cert 3 in medical administration. But even then I don't know of ill be suited for that. All I've ever known is nursing. Mum is a CNE in a major hospital, I started my nursing studies at 20.

I just feel like im really grieving it all though.

I entered nursing to eventually become a midwife. But after doing half the midwifery course as a single mum and working, it was just impossible to do. The study load was insane and I felt as though I should have known things better because I was already a nurse, thats the vibe I got of the midwives I was buddied with. Then the thought of being responsible for the care of a labouring woman and then a newborn too, it scared the crap out of me. Even to be responsible for a pregnant woman, if I missed something, if I did something wrong without realising it, it really scared the hell out of me!! And it really makes me depressed and emotional that its not what I thought it would be.

I had the plan to be a midwife for almost 10 years after I had my son in 2011, I would tell everyone that I cant wait to be a midwife and now I feel so heart broken, ashamed that im not going to continue the course. All the other middy students I met, we all had this massive passion for midwifery when we started. They still have that passion and here I am completely deflated and defeated and also a bit jealous.

Would things have been different if I switched to midwifery after my first year of nursing? Would things have been different if I could have just focussed on my midwifery studies and not worry about money? Would things have been different if I wasnt a mum?

I hate seeing literally everyone around me succeeding in life and here I am going backwards. I hate it that much the frustration makes me claw at my skin and pull my hair, grind my teeth because im so SICK of this *** life I have now. 

 

I really have no idea what to do now. Where to go. I feel like im lost in a desert and being swallowed by the sand.