BSN application essay, Please help!

[lucastibor]

Hello,

I am applying to the University of Minnesota School of Nursing for the fall of 2014. The application is due February 1st. Here is the prompt for the essay:

Tell us what makes you a strong candidate for the BSN program. Address the following elements in your essay response.

Given the experiences listed in your resume, describe why you have chosen to pursue a degree in nursing at a research university. How your background, work, volunteer, and other experiences have developed your potential as a leader and have prepared you to contribute to diversity within the nursing profession (two pages double-spaced maximum).

I have a start but don't feel like I am addressing the prompt completely. I also think it could flow little bit better. I would appreciate any comments and input so I can make this a better essay.

Thanks!!

Here it is:

Given the experiences listed in my resume, I believe that I will be a valuable contributor to the University of Minnesota School of Nursing. I have worked with individuals in a wide range of circumstances including those with developmental disabilities, traumatic brain injuries, and the general population. My experience working in assisted living facilities and as an EMT has helped me learn to coordinate with others, improve my communication skills, practice leadership skills, and work with a wide variety of individuals in various settings.

My introduction to the health care community began at a very early age. At the age of three I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. After three years of chemotherapy and countless visits to hospitals and clinics, I attained remission and continue to be cancer free to this day. Looking back on this experience, I have gained an enhanced appreciation for health care professionals and their ability to provide quality care. This early exposure helped pave the way to one of my first jobs as a Direct Support Professional in a group home at the age of sixteen. Since that time I have continued working in similar settings and eventually obtained EMT certification in 2011. 
 As an on site supervisor at Homeward Bound Inc., there were situations in which I was required to take control and coordinate and communicate with others to develop a plan of action. As an EMT I have many of the same responsibilities. I must be able to monitor situations and be ready to make quick decisions as necessary. I must also be flexible in talking with my partner and agreeing on the best plan of action.

In one specific instance during my regular work day I witnessed a car run off the road and into a traffic barrier on 35W. I was one of many who stopped on the side of the road to help. As I approached the scene a small fire started in the area where the engine used to be. It quickly grew, but luckily I had a fire extinguisher with me and was able to control the fire. A few bystanders and I attempted to get the individual in the passenger seat out of the car in case the fire reignited (c-spine was considered), but we were unsuccessful. It was not until the fire department showed up and cut off the rear passenger door that we were able to remove the victim from the vehicle. During this ordeal, I realized I was the only one with a fire extinguisher at the moment the fire started. Had I not been there when I was, the fire may have grown out of control and this situation would have had a very different outcome.

I have learned the importance of holistic efforts in improving quality of life through my experiences in assisted living facilities. It is obviously important for patients to get their scheduled medications, treatment, and therapy, but without personalizing care and focusing on the person as a whole, a patient's condition can only improve so much. I have witnessed direct care staff complete required exercises such as medication administration and completion of required documentation, but after these tasks were completed, the individual would be left on their own with very little human interaction. I have also witnessed the opposite where staff has interacted with individuals beyond the daily routine. With this added interaction, individuals progressed much more quickly in there goals and appeared to be much happier and seemed to have a better quality of life.

A focal area of research in the School of Nursing is prevention and management of chronic health conditions. I have worked with many patients with chronic health conditions, but I know there is so much more to learn. I think the School of Nursing can provide me with fresh ideas and give me more insight into the care of patients with chronic conditions. This will make me an overall better health care provider. My interest in prevention and management of chronic health conditions has recently had a direct impact on me and my family. My dad was recently diagnosed with MS this past summer. Many of the patients I transport at my current job have this condition, and I have seen what the future may bring. Although my father's condition may not be as aggressive as others', a quality education can help me to comfort my family in the future with the contribution of my knowledge.

The importance of quality evidence based research was first made apparent to me during my EMT class when I was introduced to a device called the ResQPOD® invented by University of Minnesota Medical Center, Fairview cardiologist Keith Lurie, MD. This is an impedance threshold device used to increase cardiac preload during CPR. Because of research universities like the University of Minnesota, we can get up to date information on the latest advances in medical technology to provide optimal treatment. It would be very exciting to be a part of this.

I have proven reliability and demonstrated the tenacity to tackle any challenge I encounter. I make a difference in peoples' lives with the work that I do, and I am confident in my abilities to meet the challenges of a nursing professional.

----Oh and by the way I need to cut out about a half page.