Back to Work

I am back to work after 10 months of time off due to BON / diversion. I have never felt so much like a fish out of water in all my years as a RN as I do right this moment. I loved nursing. Now I feel that my brain has turned to mush due to this unreasonable ammount of time off. I BON / diversion program in my case has been harmful. My co-workers and their "Nurse Jackie" comments are not hurtful & unkind, especially since I am not an addict and my path to diversion was due to someone reporting me as impaired, when I was experiencing a health condition causing my severe pain (I posted my story under the heading of Gratitude). I am praying that I have a change of attitude and heart & regain the love that I have had for my profession like I had before. I was once a confident, outstanding nurse, willing to help my co-workers and loved my patient contact; now confidence gone, have ulcers from the stress from BON, finances, loss of income due to my new part time status from full time, attitudes of my co-workers, etc. I really never had an issue with what others thought of me in the past, but now, with this label as an impaired nurse which isn't accurate has left me depressed and feeling like I have to defend myself. Doing my best to remember that GOD is in control, but I feel beat up & vomited out of a career that I loved & enjoyed.