Any advice/pep talks about my decision?

[Knitty]

Hi all, this is my first post. I'm in need of some advice, and I'm really confused/depressed about conflicting feelings I have regarding studying to become a nurse and then starting a family. I'd appreciate any emotional/logical support and advice.. I'll start from the top.

I am currently 23, and engaged to be married at a later time. My fiancé makes enough money to support a family if we budget properly, though finances would be moderately less tight if I were to work a small part-time job (and I would). Ideally, I would have loved to start a family and have our first child in 3 years.

However, I recently decided to begin prerequisites for a BSN. I recently got into a very expensive, yet well-respected, University and will begin studying there next week. I can finish prerequisites in one year and then do the usual 2 years of clinical courses, totaling 3 years of school. After that, I was advised by my mother (a nurse) that I should work for one year to network, pay off loans, and gain experience, and then begin trying to conceive. This leaves me at having a child 5 years from now, at the earliest...which is alright, but I have always wanted to have children earlier on. She stated that after I give birth and finish maternity leave, I can work part-time or perhaps 2-3 days a week so that I can retain my skills while having the "stay at home" experience I have always wanted.

The reason I'm feeling a bit down is because my main goal in life is to have and nurture a family, yet feel that a career in nursing would also help to provide a stable financial nest for my family. Nursing is not my "passion"---in fact, I enjoy a bit of everything. It's not an issue of not having the career I truly want. It's an issue of being worried that I won't feel fulfilled if I can't be at home enough with my children, or have enough energy to raise them to be intelligent, loved, and successful. I also have created this "ideal life" in my mind where I get to have children young and be as involved in their emotional and educational progress as my own stay-at-home mom was.

I know this is a lot, and I apologize. Is there something I'm missing? Does anyone have any words of encouragement, or suggestions as to how I can keep myself motivated, or if I'm even making the right decision in the first place?

It's important to point out that my mother is biased in favor of going to school because she believes in being able to support your family no matter WHAT happens. She basically says that I need to "suck it up" (in relation to wanting children earlier and taking on a debt of up to $100k) and do what I have to do so that I don't regret not getting the degree before starting a family. My father, though, is biased in favor of the exact opposite: he thinks I'm getting older, need to avoid major debt, and take care of my future children. He states that i can go back later. Both opinions are valuable and valid, but one can see how this might confuse me even further. I have about a week to really steel myself against feelings of indecision so that I can begin school and feel confident about my decision.

Please help!

[joseyjo]

Sounds like you really want to stay at home. If that's true you'll just end up being unhappy as a nurse and having wasted your money. I went back to school wheh my children were in high school. I will finish my BSN when my youngest graduates high school, so you can definitely go back later if you want :-)

Also, I would not take on $100,000 worth of student loan debt. You will spend 1/4- 1/2 of your new grad paycheck on loan payments ( plus day care if you have a child after nursing school). Choose a less expensive school for your prerequisites, save up, and look into scholarships. I will be graduating from the top nursing school in my state with around 15k in debt.

[Knitty]

Thank you very much for your reply. I would love to stay home, though I know no matter what I will have to work somewhere part-time to help my husband out.

I forgot to mention that I do like Nursing a lot. I find it interesting and meaningful, and have experience/knowledge about other things that have not satisfied me in terms of being the "career" for me. I've been a legal assistant/writer, worked for a seamstress, studied Computer Science, and currently work as a college writing tutor. Nursing is by no means a random shot in the dark, but an educated decision based on what I know about myself.

I appreciate hearing about your experience. The 100k is daunting, but the University I plan to attend took me in as a transfer immediately. Uncertain programs like Stonybrook and Farmingdale (in NY) wouldn't have taken applications from me until a year/year and a half from now, resulting in an even later degree. So, children would be pushed back even more :[

Waiting is certainly an option...but not for long.