Jump to content

Angry and need to vent

Nurses   (1,507 Views 21 Comments)
by Hoosier_RN Hoosier_RN, MSN (Platinum*) Platinum*

Hoosier_RN has 20 years experience as a MSN and specializes in LTC, home health, hospice, ICU, ER, dialysis.

3 Followers; 2,369 Visitors; 1,247 Posts

advertisement

Yesterday, after work, I stopped by my local grocery store.  I ran into a lady that I had known, but not really kept up with, for years.  Our sons had grown up together and been close-my sons were either at her house, or her son and daughters were at mine.  They had all grown and gone from home, for many years, in fact, mine moved a distance away.  Back at the beginning of the new year, one of my sons called me and told me that "Mary" (the oldest daughter) had died recently, but they weren't sure of any specifics. I looked at online obits, and sure enough, Mary had passed at 24 years old, leaving behind a daughter, her brother and sister, and her devastated parents (who now have custody of her daughter).

As I spoke with mom in the store, she told me the story of meth use prior to the baby, with a boyfriend.  The boyfriend was well known and has a very troubling past, including drug use.  After the baby, they split up because he said being a dad and committed boyfriend was too confining. But he continued to supply her with drugs.  Her last night of life he supplied her with heroine with fentanyl.  She passed and someone had tried to used narcan on her.  But instead of calling 911, the other party-ers decided to clean up all the evidence of drug use and leave her to sleep it off.  She never woke up.  At autopsy, according to mom, 8 times times the lethal dose of fentanyl was found in her system.  Ex boyfriend showed up to funeral so high he couldn't stand on his own.

Mom told me that she had tried to get Mary help repeatedly, but Mary denied use, of course.  She was 24 and could take care of herself!, etc, every story that we've all ever heard.  Mom found out that she had narcan on 26 separate occasions in last 6 months.  Miom tried to have her arrested for drug possession, called CPS for putting the baby in danger, anything to get her off the street and hopefully quit using  No one would help.

Why am I angry? Mary was a beautiful young lady with a smile that would melt the devil's heart.  She was smart, sweet, and intelligent.  She had a bright future, if only she had reached out for it.  Now she's left an orphan behind.  Her family is devastated.  Her friends that remember the beautiful young lady are filled with grief.

Where is it going to stop? This is rhetorical, as there is no clear cut answer.  But today, I want to go to my rooftop and scream outrage for a beautiful young lady who died by her own hand.

I do want to add, that I am grateful.  My youngest son is a recovering addict.  I know on any given day, he could start using again, or be a statistic like Mary.

Thank you for letting me vent...Hoosier

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1,377 Visitors; 154 Posts

I'm so sorry to hear this.  A friend's sister lost her son several years ago to drug use and about a year ago another  set of good friends lost their son.  He had a daughter ( my friends have custody) and an infant son.  It just doesn't seem like it's getting any better.  Hugs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kitiger has 40 years experience as a RN and specializes in Pediatrics.

1 Follower; 18,437 Visitors; 870 Posts

3 hours ago, Hoosier_RN said:

 

I do want to add, that I am grateful.  My youngest son is a recovering addict.  I know on any given day, he could start using again, or be a statistic like Mary.

Thank you for letting me vent...Hoosier

My heart goes out to you! I, too, have family members who are addicts. One is trying rehab - but doesn't seem to think she has a problem, really.

Our city will probably soon start a syringe exchange program for drug users, in an effort to try to connect with them and help them. I have mixed feelings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

TitaniumPlates has 15 years experience and specializes in ED.

1,311 Visitors; 46 Posts

{{{{{Hoosier_RN}}}}}}

I have no answers just empathy. The various people that come to the ER as a result of their addictions is heart wrenching. Some are so angry and others are just so despondent that nothing reaches them--but they're there, getting some help to get through another day.

I bold people because they are someone's daughter, son, mom, aunt or even grandmother. I always whisper under my breath when I get exhasperated with them, "There but for the grace of God go I".

I'm sorry this happened and it takes a lot of inner strength to cope, as if life itself isn't hard enough. I'm always in awe of the families that pull together and provide support.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hoosier_RN has 20 years experience as a MSN and specializes in LTC, home health, hospice, ICU, ER, dialysis.

3 Followers; 2,369 Visitors; 1,247 Posts

Thanks for the words and thoughts...I'm just grief filled and needed to get it out. 

I too have mixed feelings about the drug use problem, because of the cost to society with narcan and programs that try to help, when others can't afford insulin or (insert any other life saving med).  I have mixed feelings about needle exchanges, because it helps prevent bloodborne diseases, but allows users to keep using with a seeming acceptance.  But I've always said that all users are somebody-somebodies child, brother, sister, etc.  Sometimes it's just so hard to reconcile.  Every day, I just pray that they all find their way back, because we all deserve a chance at life. And know that it can be any of us or a loved one at any time.  More and more people that I talk to are opening up and sharing their experiences. It's senseless and sucks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

nursej22 has 30 years experience as a MSN, RN and specializes in med/surg,CV.

1 Follower; 33,917 Visitors; 1,285 Posts

That is a heart-wrenching story, Hoosier. Good for you for listening to this grieving mom. Addiction, as you well know, is a horrible thing. 

I have hope for more recovery programs that use MAT. I know that our local school districts are addressing emotional issues beginning in elementary school. in order to head off some of the triggers for addiction. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

nursej22 has 30 years experience as a MSN, RN and specializes in med/surg,CV.

1 Follower; 33,917 Visitors; 1,285 Posts

My health department has syringe exchange, but we also offer Hep C, HIV screening, and naloxone. Supplies are purchased with grants. There is always someone from a local recovery program present to offer friendship and talk to people about their issues. We collect toiletries from hotels when we travel and offer those. We treat everyone with respect and hope. Many see us as enabling, but it is actually a harm reduction model, hoping to keep people alive long enough to get into treatment. There is one staff person who oversees the twice weekly sessions and everyone else is a volunteer. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Davey Do has 35 years experience and specializes in Psych, CD, HH, Admin, LTC, OR, ER, Med Surge.

14 Followers; 1 Article; 75,024 Visitors; 6,047 Posts

I'm sorry too, Hoosier. Vent away.

You and yours are in my thoughts.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

AnnieNP has 20 years experience as a MSN, NP and specializes in Adult Primary Care.

1 Follower; 3,243 Visitors; 409 Posts

I'm so sorry.  Your friend is lucky to have met up with you again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

2,609 Visitors; 484 Posts

Condolences.

However, no mean to be rude but I'm kind of torn on this because I saw several friends become orphans, be split from their siblings, or when we were older, have to become parents overnight to their siblings to keep them all together during the crack epidemic and there was no narcan in our neighborhoods. No one cared, literally seemed like no one but the people in the hood. They were jailed for being high. Nowadays, there's narcan being administered everywhere, even as the young lady in your story, to the same person several times over. There should be a limit and once it's reached the person should go to jail or get mandatory rehab for a certain amount of time.

Having sounded heartless, yes it's infuriating. You want to smack the hell out of someone but you don't know where to turn, where to begin, and what to do because you know it's beyond your control. What I've learned is you can't "fix" an addict unless and until they want to be helped. Unfortunately, that doesn't occur until they hit rock bottom, and sometimes even then isn't enough. So what do you do, you want to literally beat some damn sense into them because they don't see their potential or the shell of a person they've become of the old them.

Is there no law in your area where the person whom supplied the drugs can be charged for murder? Many states have that law or something similar. The fake "friends" who cleaned up the crime scene, because that's what it was, should also be charged with tampering with evidence. None of this will bring this young lady back but it may help her family know they received some form of justice. Sadly, our penal system doesn't fight hard on cases like these unless it's the actual drug dealer they can jail. Even then it's not for the public but for them to make a name for themselves and rise through the ranks.

Now I'm over here with a whole attitude typing this out because I hate drugs and what they do to people. My daughter had all her wisdom teeth removed and the dentist gave her hydro 10s. By day 2, morning after, she appeared to be high and said she needed to take one so she could sleep, not because she was in pain. I snatched the damn bottle and told her to take a Tylenol and locked the pills in my safe for her to never see them again. I'll be damn if I sit there and watch her turn into an addict. It only takes a few days to get addicted. Unless someone had a limb removed, major surgery, or end stage cancer, NO ONE should get those potent narcs.

OK end rant because now I'm pissed with you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hoosier_RN has 20 years experience as a MSN and specializes in LTC, home health, hospice, ICU, ER, dialysis.

3 Followers; 2,369 Visitors; 1,247 Posts

2 hours ago, NurseBlaq said:

Condolences.

However, no mean to be rude but I'm kind of torn on this because I saw several friends become orphans, be split from their siblings, or when we were older, have to become parents overnight to their siblings to keep them all together during the crack epidemic and there was no narcan in our neighborhoods. No one cared, literally seemed like no one but the people in the hood. They were jailed for being high. Nowadays, there's narcan being administered everywhere, even as the young lady in your story, to the same person several times over. There should be a limit and once it's reached the person should go to jail or get mandatory rehab for a certain amount of time.

Having sounded heartless, yes it's infuriating. You want to smack the hell out of someone but you don't know where to turn, where to begin, and what to do because you know it's beyond your control. What I've learned is you can't "fix" an addict unless and until they want to be helped. Unfortunately, that doesn't occur until they hit rock bottom, and sometimes even then isn't enough. So what do you do, you want to literally beat some damn sense into them because they don't see their potential or the shell of a person they've become of the old them.

Is there no law in your area where the person whom supplied the drugs can be charged for murder? Many states have that law or something similar. The fake "friends" who cleaned up the crime scene, because that's what it was, should also be charged with tampering with evidence. None of this will bring this young lady back but it may help her family know they received some form of justice. Sadly, our penal system doesn't fight hard on cases like these unless it's the actual drug dealer they can jail. Even then it's not for the public but for them to make a name for themselves and rise through the ranks.

Now I'm over here with a whole attitude typing this out because I hate drugs and what they do to people. My daughter had all her wisdom teeth removed and the dentist gave her hydro 10s. By day 2, morning after, she appeared to be high and said she needed to take one so she could sleep, not because she was in pain. I snatched the damn bottle and told her to take a Tylenol and locked the pills in my safe for her to never see them again. I'll be damn if I sit there and watch her turn into an addict. It only takes a few days to get addicted. Unless someone had a limb removed, major surgery, or end stage cancer, NO ONE should get those potent narcs.

OK end rant because now I'm pissed with you.

I took no offense. I feel the same way, and that's why I'm torn

My dad was an addict that got it together and raised 2 daughters (me and sis) who managed to be fairly decent productive individuals--after mom got tired of it and walked out. He did it in the 70s with none of the resources out there today, so it can be done 

I was very shocked at the 26 narcan incidences. I could only smdh!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

MunoRN has 10 years experience.

63,959 Visitors; 6,120 Posts

I think a lot of the frustration with these folks comes from the repetitive self-destruction that they often exhibit, which seems nonsensical if the point of getting high is for pleasure.  I don't think that's why the vast majority of people who use harmful drugs, particularly meth and heroine or cocaine/crack and heroine use these drugs, it appears to be most often used as a way of self medicating for psychiatric disorders, particularly bipolar.  So many if not most of these drug users are 'seeking' treatment of their disease process, just like a heart failure patient 'seeks' diuretics.   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Recently Browsing 0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×