Am so upset.

joannep · Mar 26, 2011

I really feel for you, I can't think of anything that would make this situation better, and I'm sure it has impacted on your relationship with your mother. Perhaps taking time to catch up with RN's you have worked with over the years would help refresh your memories.

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Mar 26, 2011

Thanks. I am not speaking to my Mum currently. She didn't even apologise!

She goes through periods like this because she inherited a bipolar illness from her father. It's not the first time she's destroyed, cut up or chucked away my stuff.

And I had just got it out of storage not long ago! All those memories just gone.

I'm so heart sick

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Mar 26, 2011

As a fellow writer, I can feel your anguish!! So sorry this happened to you....it sounds like you lost years and years of work, and that's heartbreaking. :bluecry1:

Wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't........all I can say is, try to remember that you can't argue with your Mum's bipolar disorder---it is what it is, she can't help herself, and someday she will need your forgiveness.

Meanwhile, gentle hugs for you. :hug:

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Mar 26, 2011

As a fellow writer, I can feel your anguish!! So sorry this happened to you....it sounds like you lost years and years of work, and that's heartbreaking.
Wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't........all I can say is, try to remember that you can't argue with your Mum's bipolar disorder---it is what it is, she can't help herself, and someday she will need your forgiveness.
Meanwhile, gentle hugs for you. :hug:

Thanks so much for the hugs!!!

Problem is, my Mum won't take medication or manage her illness. She and the rest of her family have had this for years. She really needs help I think but you know what they say - you can drag a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I've made Drs appointments for her, not told her, taken her in the car and she has absolutely refused to even get out the car. She even threatened to walk home herself (in bad weather), and has taken off and just left us without any warning. At least THOSE days are over. My Mum is very much one of those non-complaint people we all whinge about.

I'm so incredibly upset. They were the one thing I treasured and I am not a material person - I don't own fancy watches or chains for example, or a new car. I don't treasure those things.

I can't forgive her now. If she'd thrown away my junk, I could not have cared less. But I'd asked my brother to get my journals out of storage in his garage to take to Mums (my brother needed the space), and she probably forgot about them as they were taped up in a big box. But she didn't even LOOK - just ripped them all up to put in recycling. And I was so looking forward to scanning them all for safekeeping! And she did this months ago and can't even remember the date - she is very, very forgetful.

God I'm so annoyed and devastated. I hate her so much at the moment, God forgive me. I just can't speak to here at the mo. I am so sick of dealing with her BS, I tell you. I don't even want to SEE her anymore.

I've just had EEE-NUFF!

allnurses Guide · Mar 26, 2011

Carol, I know how you feel. Five years ago my stepdad thought he would "help" organize my papers while I was away in a different state. I had one blue crate that had journals, a pencil written letter by my great-great grandfather written in the middle of WWI about his thoughts, a family tree page that had been in the family Bible for decades, and some drawings my dad had done when he was 10 years old in 1942.

I was (and still am at times) spitting nails angry at the loss, even though he passed away in 2008. It's almost as if he threw away a living thing, not a a box of paper. It's like a death in some ways, because like you-- I had no way to retrieve the items.

I wish there were a way to fix it!! Perhaps you could spend some time alone and quiet with your computer or a journal and pencil and try to recreate some of what you wrote. Obviously it will not be the same, but I am of the belief that someday someone else might be reading our journals years from now, and they would still have value. {{{carol}}} I'm sorry. :-(

caliotter3 · Mar 26, 2011

My daughter was in charge of things I had to leave in storage. Of course, you know what happened. When I found out about it, I was beyond livid. She said she had told me that she didn't have the money to pay the storage. She never mentioned a word. My college diplomas, the US flag that draped her father's casket. The family photographs. Personal records, all irreplaceable. Not a care to her. Not one bit.

Scrubby · Mar 26, 2011

Sorry to hear about it Carol. When I was 17 I left home (was kicked out ) and Mum had a garage sale about a week later and a lot of my books, games etc that I cherised as a child were sold. Even though Mum and I get along really well now I still to this day and annoyed about the whole thing because you just can't get this stuff anymore.

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Mar 27, 2011

Carol, I know how you feel. Five years ago my stepdad thought he would "help" organize my papers while I was away in a different state. I had one blue crate that had journals, a pencil written letter by my great-great grandfather written in the middle of WWI about his thoughts, a family tree page that had been in the family Bible for decades, and some drawings my dad had done when he was 10 years old in 1942.
I was (and still am at times) spitting nails angry at the loss, even though he passed away in 2008. It's almost as if he threw away a living thing, not a a box of paper. It's like a death in some ways, because like you-- I had no way to retrieve the items.
I wish there were a way to fix it!! Perhaps you could spend some time alone and quiet with your computer or a journal and pencil and try to recreate some of what you wrote. Obviously it will not be the same, but I am of the belief that someday someone else might be reading our journals years from now, and they would still have value. {{{carol}}} I'm sorry. :-(

I'm crying for you now not me!

I can't blame this all on my mother's bipolar. She simply and categorically hates me and always has. And please don't anyone say that is not true - she has told me to my face. My younger sister is adored (no matter what she does) - there are 6 of us kids a I am seen as the black sheep for some reason, I have never found out why she hates me. When I come back home, she acts nice for a few weeks, then it all blows up over something completely and utterly trivial. My Mother was abandoned by her father a lot in childhood, and abused as he was a drunk and I knowo this has affected her as she rants and raves about it sometime. She is a nasty, spiteful, bitter old woman who will die alone, I am sure, as no-one hardly visits her anymore.

My journals were all I had really kept that were precious to me. I think journals are very very important as they not only outline our lives, but make us laugh and cry when we read them again - in a strange, odd way, they used to comfort me when I was feeling down, why I don't know.

I won't try to re-create anything - it is too painful. My heart is so heavy with horrible, unmitigating pain. When she told me she got rid of them all, I actually felt physically ill and couldn't eat; I thought I was going to vomit. I was frantically searching b4 she told me all over the house and couldn't find them, thinking no, no, PLEASE don't tell me she has got rid of them!

All my love letters that were written to me by my last ex-boyfriend, and other boyfriends and personal cards and letters were ALL in my journals. There was even a recording in there of my ex's voice. I cannot remember them and I only recently broke up with my ex after knowing him for 20 years. So I can't ask him to send me any info, (though he told me not long ago that he remembered everything we did and has kept a journal for a long time, ever since he met me anyway). He has a new gf now, so I'm not going to interfere in his life.

But I can't forgive her. She had NO RIGHT to go into my personal papers - and it was marked personal and all taped up for safekeeping. My brother had also told her not to touch them (a messsage from me). After mum got them, I forgot to remind her not to touch them, so I blame myself in a way.

I suppose this too shall pass. But all my oldest and fondest memories were in those journals.

Now, I feel like I have nothing. And she is just acting normal - like nothing has happened. An apology wouldn't go astray, but I may as well go jump in my grave before I ever get that.

I wish I was anywhere but here right now.

Thanks for all the empathy - it really helps to heal my poor, bruised heart (my Mum would just say I was being over-dramatic if I told her that BTW). :(

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Mar 27, 2011

Sorry to hear about it Carol. When I was 17 I left home (was kicked out ) and Mum had a garage sale about a week later and a lot of my books, games etc that I cherised as a child were sold. Even though Mum and I get along really well now I still to this day and annoyed about the whole thing because you just can't get this stuff anymore.

You're right. You just can't get it back ever again.

And I'm not really a sentimental person - my journals were all I really had.

Sorry to hear you were kicked out - must have been very hard for you

gonzo1, ASN, RN · Mar 27, 2011

It is indeed a loss and you need time to grieve. Perhaps it would be easier to bear if you think of it in terms of people who lose things in fires and storms. My mother always made it known that I was not her favorite child too, so I know how that feels. And this makes the loss even worse. I hope that in time you will heal and find some peace of mind.

KJStarling · Mar 27, 2011

I'm sorry. This is really just wrong. We all value your words of wisdom, encouragement, and humor, and I am mad that your mother didn't. I know you lost a treasure. It sucks. You know what doesn't suck? YOU!

I guess this will hurt for a while, but maybe when it's not so fresh you could try to write some of the big stuff down again...

I really believe you have a gift, and it ought to be shared!

Take Care!

Kate