Am I too sensitive for nursing?

[dreamgirl9919]

So, I'm a new grad nurse and this was my first week off of orientation. I'm working on a post surgical medsurg unit. My first night was going fine until I find out my pts bs is 44 at 0545 during my med pass. I was told in report she gets peritoneal dialysis at night and has an insulin pump set at an unknown basal dose. Apparently her CGM broke and we would have to check her bs Q4 and treat on sliding scale. I had never seen anyone with an insulin pump before so I know very little about it and it scared me a little bit. She had not been eating very much of what they bring on the trays because the food is bland with her renal diet. I gave her some apple juice to drink and go back to check her bs again in 20 minutes. In the meantime I give my other pt their morning meds (I only have 3 pts thankfully). So her bs came up to 56 and I asked my preceptor if she thought I should give her some oral glucose or IM glucagon and she suggested the glucose. I go to give it to her and I'm trying to get her to swallow the whole tube and eat some graham crackers and peanut butter but she's struggling because she's had a parathyroidectomy and her throats been sliced all the way across and it "feels like she's swallowing glass ", plus she has an IJ.  I get her to drink most of it and hand her the crackers but she's saying she can barely feel it in her hands due to her nephropathy. She wants to sit up on the side of the bed and I let her and told her not to get up without calling and set her alarm. At this point it's like 0610 and one of my other pts still needs to walk her 4 laps because the tech didn't do it. So I ask if she can at least check the bs again in 20 minutes while I walk the other pt, finish her med pass, and draw her labs since she has a picc. While I'm walking the pt who btw takes forever to get out of the bed her tech tells me the other pts bs is 76 now so I was feeling better knowing that it is coming up and her vitals are stable. By the time this other pt finished her 4 laps it's 0640. After I get that pt squared away there are still no tubes to send the labs. I go in to look at the other pt and she's staying she still feels shaky and cold and somehow the dayshift nurse was in there talking with her and she leaves out when I come in. I get her tucked in bed and tell the nurse I'm going to have to walk the labs down and she volunteered to go for me. I walk up to the nurses station and the one nurse was ready for report so in the midst of giving the update. The dayshift charge comes to me and says this pt isn't doing good and I ask what's wrong now and tell her I just left out of there and let her know about how I've been trying to get her bs up. She tells me she may need to have a rapid called and I wrap up my update on that other pt and go in the room. The surgeon is in there , techs are in there, my supervisor is in there but her vitals still look good and her bs is 124 now. The charge told me I needed to tell the hospitality to come see her so after I figure out how to do that, I try and finish charting and I made a nursing note. I felt bad because I thought I was going pretty good but the charge nurse scoffed at me and said well how do you know her pumps not giving her insulin and I told her the pt and the dayshift nurse said it broke and she's not getting any boluses AND I've never had a pt with an insulin pump. I just felt like she over reacted and scared me. I went home crying to my mom and feeling like an idiot. I'm naturally extremely sensitive and emotional. I have struggled with social anxiety for years and I don't handle harsh critiques very well. So, fast forward my second night was fine for the most part and I didn't have issues with that pts bs. Now, Friday started off horrible. The dayshift nurse was giving me a half assed report on this same pt and she tells her she didn't get to go home because she started feeling sick and she threw up. She called her a demon and said they were at it all day. She says she hung some fluids on her and I go oh so she's not hep locked anymore ? And she snaps like that and goes IDK! I was like????? so you're saying you don't know what you did when you came out of her room 5 minutes ago? She goes NO YOU CAN CHECK THE COMPUTER JUST LIKE I CAN. I HAVE 5 PTS!! blah blah blah. Mind you she's been a nurse for yearss and she's well aware it's my first week on my own and I also have 5 pts this night. She goes to pull up the pt in the computer and goes are you really gonna hound me about this and I say it's a simple question this is how you give report! When she starts yelling again the charge nurse finally gets up and says to drop it. But this nurse has a bad reputation and I don't trust her at all. In my mind she could be giving blood for all I know.. she's so stupid. I go into the room for myself and the pt is immediately like im so glad you're back that other nurse had me so confused today. Im asking her and her husband what happened to get a better idea of what I need to do for her. I get report on my other pts and go cry in the break room bathroom for a while. And once I think I've pulled it together I open the door and the charge nurse out the waiting to use the toilet. She asked if I still need to get report and I said yea and I start crying again. She asks if I'm OK and If I need a hug and I shake my head no. We both awkwardly stand there for a minute and she goes go get your report and we'll talk about it. I sit there trying to pull myself together in the break room for a while and once I do for the most part I go back out there and get the rest of report from her so I didn't have to talk to that other nurse. She asked if I had any questions about that pt and I say no. That nurse left behind several tasks that put me behind for the night. I was so upset and embarrassed, I felt like no one really had my back. That nurse is known for being ditzy and horrible to work behind. I was soo taken aback because I'm super nonconferntational and I don't talk much because of my social anxiety. I love my pts but it's too hard on my mental health. The goal was to stay at least a year but IDK if I'm strong enough. I need something with lower stress where I can focus on why I became a nurse in the first place.. treating the patient holisticly and bypass the bs. 

[Ashley Rivers]

I'm looking into becoming a nurse and reading your story is actually very inspiring you seem like such a caring person and how you take care of your patients is out of this world I'm sorry you have terrible coworkers. But I know your patients must really love you I know I would be very thankful to have a nurse like you. Your doing a wonderful job and I hope that I can care for my patients like you