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Am I cut out for this?

by pjcna pjcna (New) New

I'm not sure this is the correct place for this but I wanted to get stuff out. I am a CNA not currently doing CNA work. I'm working at a warehouse that will pay for my previous nursing classed after I've been there a year. At least that's why I tell myself I'm there. I miss working as a CNA sometimes but I remember why I quit. I worked in a horrible facility for almost two years. I saw neglect and abuse on almost a daily basis. I called state over and over to no avail. I worked 6 days a week with doubles every other day and came in on my day off to do continued education stuff on my day off. I was afraid if I wasn't there something bad would happen or whoever was there wouldn't care enough to make the necessary call to state. It was a memory care unit and in my first year I watched alot of people die. Many times I was in the room with them and many more I was the one to perform the post mortem. Eventually I got myself to leave that place and go to another facility. One of the main reasons I left the place I was at before that and the last facility I was at was that near the end I found myself apathetic. I barely bothered to learn their names and remembered only room numbers. When a patient would die and staff members would cry I would ask myself how they can still be affected so much. I guess what I'm wondering is if I should go into nursing. The reason I wanted to go to nursing school was so I could make a difference. So I could be the change I wanted to see. Now I'm left unsure if it's the right decision and unable to get the faces of those that I admittedly let myself get too close to out of my head. Honestly I think I just needed to get this out somewhere. When I first started I lived my job. I always felt fulfilled and like I was helping people. Now the job I'm in is monotonous and boring.