Advice on personal statement or nursing school application. Please share your wisdom!

[afo9110]

I'm applying to nursing school, yay! I've never had to write a personal statement before and I'd love any and all opinions on what I have going so far. What I've posted below is a rough draft. There are definitely some grammatical/word choice issues, but what I'm looking for most is constrictive criticism and advice on the content itself. Am I too long winded? Brag too much? Is it too fragmented? What do you think??

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it!

The prompt: On the following single page, address the following questions. Responses should relate to your resume. Describe how your experiences have influenced your decision and prepared you to pursue a degree in nursing at My College. How has your background, work, volunteer, and other experiences developed your potential as a leader and prepared you to work with diverse populations within the nursing profession?

As an ideal candidate for My University's nursing program I bring a varied work history, leadership skills, a strong academic record, diversity, and a breath of volunteer experience to the department. Becoming a nurse is a lifelong commitment to knowledge, compassion, and the confidence necessary to be the voice for those who have none.

Numerous events and lessons learned throughout my life have contributed to my readiness to pursue a degree in nursing at awesome state university. For the last two-and-a-half years, I have been employed as a Direct Care Professional (DCP) at My Job, a local organization dedicated to assisting those with a variety of disabilities in an effort to ensure every individual leads a dignified life. As a Direct Care Professional, the most important thing I have learned is true compassion. Being sympathetic toward a kind, vulnerable person in a tragic situation is natural; however, what I have found to be the true challenge is to care for and be compassionate toward those who are physically aggressive, verbally abusive, non-verbal, self-abusive, and actively fighting your best attempts to provide care. I have built a perspective and level of resilience that has allowed me to see each person, despite their challenges, as a unique personality with likes, dislikes and quirks. While as a nurse, my knowledge, skills, and scope of practice would be much more extensive than they are now, the compassion for those with no voice, the confidence to advocate for people from all walks of life, and the creativity needed to find new solutions to new problems are that I have learned to exhibit as a direct care professional. My love and talent for providing care to those who many not want it, but certainly need it, sparked my interest in the nursing profession--earning my BSN would allow me to expand my capabilities and provide care on an elevated level.

My decision to purse a degree in nursing goes beyond my experiences as a DCP. Before transferring to ****, I worked as a research assistant to a nurse researcher at the University of Awesome's nationally recognized Impressive and Awesome” program. Although my duties as a research assistant involved no nursing care, the nurse I worked for taught me that organization, attention to detail, and time management are essential to any successful endeavor.

As a teaching assistant in the geology department at My College, I have been able to approach learning from a different perspective. Truly, to be a good teacher you must be a master of your trade. Every nurse should be an excellent educator; after all, the best interest of a patient relies on a nurse's knowledge and ability to communicate effectively as a teacher. Sharing my knowledge of geology with other students, especially those with limited interest in the subject, has taught me about the level of patience, persistence, and critical thinking needed to pass knowledge onto another person.

Since my decision to pursue nursing, I have spent countless hours reading anything nursing related, including novels, blogs, and academic websites. My research revealed some of the daily difficulties that nurses endure. As a volunteer at The Cancer Center, I was able to see the interactions and difficult conversations that nurses had to have with patients. In addition, to the emotional stress the nurses faced, they also put on the miles walking through the hallways! I admire the strength of each nurse I met at the cancer center and I see that determination in myself. Cancer is a horrible disease and I am very grateful that I was able to, as a volunteer, provide a smile, encouraging words, and a few snacks to the people at The Cancer Center.

Being successful in nursing school is not only about compassion and resilience. Being a successful nursing student is also about knowledge and academic success. Before changing my major from geology to pre-nursing, I took numerous 300 and 400 level courses composed primarily of math and science classes. With each class, I dedicated myself to success and the fruits of my labor quickly became apparent. As a student who often finished at the top of her class, the geology department recognized my academic accomplishments by awarding me, both years I was enrolled in the program with, the outstanding student award”. In a department in which only a handful of students are presented with an award, I was honored to be a recipient and greatly appreciate the wonderful professors in the department. Although the nursing course work will, undoubtedly, be challenging, I have proven myself to be an excellent student and I will continue produce academic excellence.

On a more personal note, I come from a background rich in diversity. As the daughter of a biracial couple, I have a special appreciation for diversity. My family itself is composed of people of different races, religions, and socioeconimc statuses. My exposure to people from all walks of life has taught me how to look outside of my own preferences, habits, and beliefs. Truly, it takes all types to make the world-go-round. I appreciate diversity and embrace it at every opportunity to do so. In fact, last semester I was part of a group of students to form a new organization on campus—STEM minorities. The group has focused on providing networking, tutoring, professional, and academic resources to current and incoming My College minorities in a STEM field. The organization had a wonderful start last spring and we hope to continue to build a welcoming environment for all.

All of these experiences have helped form a person who, in the words of My College's Nursing Department, is academically competent, compassionate, creative, and committed to the scholarship of the discipline”. My desire is not only to become a nurse, but to be a graduate of My College's school of nursing. I will conclude with a one of my father's favorite remarks, the more you put into something, the more you will get out of it.” I understand the rigors of nursing school and the challenges that come with being a nurse; despite this understanding, I will go to great lengths to achieve success—I will put in all of the work necessary to successfully complete nursing school and, in return, I hope to become an outstanding nurse.