Advice needed

[LostnewLPN]

I'm a new nurse—well, not so new. I graduated in August 2024 and got my first job in LTC. Can I honestly say that I hate everything about it? I hate that I care so much for my patients and that all my efforts are looked down upon. I hate coming to work, and I hate having panic attacks due to the fear of being involved in lawsuits my nursing home might be involved in, and I hate myself(sometimes) for feeling like this.  For example, I came into my 11-7 shift, got the report, and counted, and I always immediately start rounds around 0000-0030. Something always seems to go wrong, or a patient is left in a horrible condition, and nothing is charted! Nothing! There is no decline in condition from the first or second, no notes, not being sent out, or anything. It looks like it started on my shift. Management seems irritated at me for documenting everything or voicing concerns regarding residents' conditions. Once close co-workers have all pulled away, I'm stuck in a trap. 

I've been told that you own it if it happens on your shift. It makes me feel like an inadequate nurse because my patients are sick and dying, and I'm trying my best. When I bring this up, it's always from other shifts commenting, "Well, they weren't like this on my shift.” Seriously, nursing is 24 hours, not only 8 hours! It's giving me anxiety, and I feel management is blaming me because residents are going septic! I can only control what happens on my shift, but it always seems like I notice everything whenever I come to work. I don't want to be the nurse who sweeps it to the next shift, but I am also tired of finding the problem that Everyone seems to want to ignore, tearing me down. I know I'm complaining, but I am at a loss. I want to quit, but I'm an adult with bills and fear of not finding a job. I'm afraid of losing the license I worked so hard to gain. I know it's horrible to post, but I'm at my wit's end and need advice.