Advice on what I should do.

Published

So,

I posted a thread awhile ago, about getting a new patient, (I'm a HHA) Anyways, I was nervous, it was my first male patient to have to bathe. I have gotten use to it, and am not nervous anymore thanks to the advice from people!

Anyways, I have a problem now though.

I don't know if, he's getting too "comfortable" or what, but his comments are becoming a little out of hand. I've told him I have a boyfriend before when he said that, just to try to "warn" him, yet nothing. I'll give a few so you know what I'm talking about. One comment, that he says all the time is "Looks like I got you on your knees again, too bad not for the reason I want it to be." Only reason is because he has to have this lotion applied to his legs. No other way than to kneel down and put it on him. Another he has said a few times is when hes getting in the shower and undressed he'd mention something about "Opps dropped my pants, your turn."

Another thing that hes been doing is getting mean. I go twice a week, and I can tell you where his bath items are, clothes, oxygen. That's all. He need battery's the other day. Asked if I would go get them. I asked where, and went to where he told me. I searched and searched but couldn't find them. He comes into the room saying something I couldn't understand, then saying "are you stupid, look they are right here." Which, wasn't where he told me. I apologized, and said I didn't see them. He said "I can get you fired if I have too." Again, I apologized, then said "lets get your bath ready."

Another thing, (sorry! lol) I am only suppose to be there for an hour. Twice a week. Friday's is my busy day. I've got back to back patients until I have to pick my nephew up from school. But it seems I am always there for more than an hour. Last Friday I had to call a patient and reschedule for the next day because there was no way I'd make it. I was there for almost 2 hours. When I mention I have to leave, he gets mad and says "I need someone here more than 2 days a week, I can get you all fired..." So on..

How do I deal with this? I don't want to call work and complain.

As much as I don't want too, because I can't afford it, I feel like I can't take him on as a patient much longer if this keeps up. Any advice?

I do ignore most of it. But it's getting too much.

Even the nurse said his legs are looking much better since I've been coming there. And everything. Any advice?

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Don't worry about complaining to your employer, you're not there to be humiliated and intimidated -- you're a professional and are there to do a job. Furthermore, you may need to assert yourself more with this person and not feel afraid he's going to get you fired. You're the one who has the choice not to take care of him any longer if you don't want to. Every aide is going to deal with this situation differently, some will just blow that kind of thing off and not be bothered by it however ....if he says that 'on your knees' thing again, you could say gently but firmly: 'Do NOT talk to me that way.' You have the right to not be sexually harassed. If he keeps making nasty comments, just look him in the eye and say -- stop that. You don't have to be mean back to him, just let him know you're not going to tolerate that crap anymore.

As far as clients who say mean things to you, unfortunately that sometimes comes with the territory from time to time. Just because someone calls you stupid doesn't mean you are -- try not to take it too personally, even though it may hurt your feelings a bit. After a while, such you'll probably develop a little bit tougher skin and it won't get to you.

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Specializes in LTC.

How distressing. It sounds like this guy is trying to take what little control he has in the situation. Playing little mind games like sending you to look for items in the wrong place or dragging out the care for longer than it's supposed to be is one thing- annoying, but probably not worth a battle. We run into that type of thing constantly. Can you tell him you have an obligation to another client and you WILL be leaving at a certain time whether he is done or not? Then if you are consistently going over on your time you can ask the agency about increasing the length of his visits, and he'll have to pay more for them. you don't want to get in trouble for messing with other clients' schedules.

The sexual harassment is another thing, especially because it sounds like he's alert and oriented. I would report him. It's bad enough that we have to deal with that junk on a daily basis from men on the street. It's one of the reasons I hated retail so much- it's like, hello this is not a strip club! And I would definitely report that he is making threats against your job- maybe he is just doing that because he's irritated that you're not flirting with him or because he's trying to control you but it should be taken seriously. You never know- he might complain about you to your employer and I'd want some documentation in place to back you up.

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interceptinglight-Thanks for the advice! I do need to get tougher skin. So I'll work on that more. :)

fuzzywuzzy- I have once before told him that I had to leave at a certain time. I believe it was 11:50, and I told him "I have to leave at 1pm." And his response, "That's not enough time, you mine as well just come back tomorrow." And refused his shower for the day.

I agree with what you said on the sexual harassment. I was sexual harassed when I was a teen. So I don't really like to hear those things and deal with them, even though I know that could be done anywhere, but every time I go see a patient, I just figure that wouldn't happen.. I'm going to see him today. In an hour actually. If this whole thing repeats, I'm going to call my company afterwards and see what they can do.

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First you need to document this and let your employer know. It maybe embarrassing but if your employer does not know this is occurring they cannot help you.

Furthermore, the next time he makes a nasty sexual comment you may state, "...excuse me Mr. So and so you and I have a professional relationship. That remark is unprofessional and makes me extremely uncomfortable..." IF you say that let your employer know, make sure that is documented.

As for the "stupid this, stupid that..." refer to the the professional relationship lecture. Document, document, document and let your employer know.

Final question, though, is he a dementia patient?

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FlowerPower00- Thank you! I contacted my company today and told them. She told me that anytime I want to drop the patient, (stop taking care of him) I can. She did document everything though. This isn't his first time acting like this towards someone. It's happened before. Also, he isn't a dementia patient.

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flowerpower00- thank you! i contacted my company today and told them. she told me that anytime i want to drop the patient, (stop taking care of him) i can. she did document everything though. this isn't his first time acting like this towards someone. it's happened before. also, he isn't a dementia patient.

that is when the company needs to send a male c.n.a in. when i did an internship at the area agency on aging we had one client like that and arranging care for him was like pulling teeth. the gentleman did it to himself though, no dementia but a chronic alcoholic and nasty, nasty, nasty.

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