A Gorrilla on My Back

[Sunnilee]

​When my son was small he thought his new shoes made him run faster. At some point as we age we forget "It's our dreams that create Reality."

...............

May your storm be so dark, that your rainbow shines so bright that you need to cover your eyes. Only then will you hear, touch, and feel all that you have seen is a blessing hidden so you stop living to learn and start learning to live. ..........................

Your letters lay in my dresser sealed tight

All will to survive yet I choose not to fight

By hiding from you with the excuse that I heal

When all heartache you caused left me so scarred

Knowing I will soon face you after your no more barred

Then I will know if I was worth all this time

To have regain nothing and in sorrows I whine

That day is coming to quickly for sure

The day of my choice to live on or die pure.

I can not see the future or prospect of such

Maybe I can't look at what will be to much

For now the calls go on ringing, letters not read

In hope that it all stays unknown until the demon is fed

Be warned my friend, fighting to survive I have learned

Dr Jeckle/Mr Hyde survive to fight, I won't be burned.

I have learned the lessons you so mercifully taught.

But pleading ignorance this time will solely be my fault.

Understand this, I got your number but you don't have mine

Vengeance I don't seek, that's more like your kind.

When my momma heard, she told she raised me better.

I'll be ready this time when I read your last letter.

Some lessons learned we may never get past.

I am healing stronger, so wear your best mask.

.........signed by a girl who once believed there was no such thing as monsters. Thank you for showing me I was wrong. Because of you I know about the demons but I also was enlightened about the many Angels. I no longer am alone.

[Sunnilee]

This poem was an abstract version of my recent encounter with my child's father. He is a crack cocaine addict and used his addiction to create havoc in many lives. This poem sequenced my feelings after his physical, mental, financial and sexual abuse. During his addiction, he closed my bank account 6 times, acquired 20,000 in debt under my name, stole from myself and my older child, he strangled me when I was 8 months pregnant with his child. It was only by fate that after his threat to "finish me" he was detained. He has been incarcerated since June of 2011. His release will be 12/08/2016. He has been drug free while incarcerated however, I am prepared for his relapse to occur soon after. I will begin once again fighting for my life and his young son. There is a minute hope that he will remain clean but reality is his addiction has been his companion for 30+ years. I may have placed this in the wrong place but felt this section of recovery encompassed the total spectrum of an addict and the effects that result from their family. My prayer is to break this chain and protect my son. Ultimately stopping the cycle of paternal drug abuse now three generations deep.