Top Ten Signs Your Hospital Is In Trouble

  1. 10. The cardiac surgery is done by boy scouts earning their open heart merit badges.

    9. An entire floor is devoted to members of "The Grateful Dead"

    8. The amputations are guaranteed....If it's not right the first time we'll do the left for free.

    7. The ICU nurses are cross training with the groundskeeping staff.

    6. Their advertising slogan: "A patient a week, that's all we ask."

    5. The neurosurgery department is self-serve.

    4. You can order mouth to mouth without the resuscitation.

    3. Their motto: "Quality Healthcare....One Plantiff At A Time."

    2. The liposuctions are all natural...by flesh-eating bacteria.

    1. It was voted Most Valuable Hospital...by the Trial Lawyers Association.
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  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   SICU Queen
    OMG... TOO funny!

    I didn't laugh about the cross-training ICU nurses though... that's closer to reality than we think! I'm already mopping now as it is; it'll be groundskeeping next...
  4. by   Mito
    If your hospital is in Ontario and funded by Mike (the knife) Harris put it on the critical list as it won't last with these jerks in charge!!!!!


    Mito
  5. by   micro
    Betts, I am buying and want a signed by author copy of book
  6. by   kyjule
    Too funny...
  7. by   JMP
    Mito

    Mike Harris is gone. They are now fighting over who will replace him. The hospital that I work at, yes, I think you know it is Ontario.....just down the road from you...... is healthy and in particular WELL RUN. There are many full time jobs for RN's, pts needs are being met and the vision of the future is positive.

    However, things did not get that way without some difficult decisions and tough choices. Health care is expensive........ and I see a change coming in the not too distant future was we prepare for the neeeds of the baby boomers. We are a heavily taxed provience. The money has to come from somewhere.

    SO many people despise Mike Harris for what he did...... how he did it.......but the NPD, who where there before him left one hell of a mess for someone to clean up. It will be interesting to see what happens now. Like the federal situation, is there really an alternative to the provincal torys? Who?
  8. by   mother/babyRN
    Sadly, mumbers 6 and7 are already coming to fruition for us..
  9. by   mother/babyRN
    WE now have to allot a scheduled amount of peri pads to our OB people and 6 chux only! You actually get a coupon for suggesting cost saving ideas....They ACTUALLY have nurse retention meetings on WHY everyone is stressed out or leaving...HELLO??
    When the or suggested no longer emptying their used normal saline into laundry because it costs more to do the laundry per pound, at the SAME time our administrator voted himself a 13.5 percent raise, I stopped trying to figure out how to make sense of it....
  10. by   DougD1
    This is really good humor! Love your posts!
  11. by   krusey
    It is good to have a laugh, but these little titbits are nearing reality. Ouch!

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