A lady comes home from the doctor's office beaming and says to her husband, "The doctor says I have the breasts of a twenty year old!" The husband replies, "Oh yeah, what did he say about your fifty year-old *******?" The wife looks at her husband and says, "Well, we didn't talk about you today."
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself." Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
A woman has been in a coma for years. While the CNA was washing her 'private area' the heart monitor's audible beeps increased and some movement was noticed in her hands. The CNA ran and told the RN whom in turn called the Doctor STAT. When the Doctor came to the bedside the CNA repeated what she'd done before. Once again, the woman's heart rate increased and her hand moved. "We have to call her husband! I have an idea!" So the RN called the woman's husband and asked him to come at once. Upon his arrival the doctor said "Look, I know this sounds really strange but I think that your wife will come out of her coma if you go in there and have oral sex with her." Shocked but willing to try anything to help hi wife, the man agreed to do it. He went in and closed the door. The doctor and all of the staff were listening at the door. BEEP... .. BEEP.... BEEP. BEEP. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEE. The doctor bursts open the door. "What happened?" The man responded, "I don't know. I guess she choked"
The coroner completes an autopsy on a body and declares to the police chief "This woman is a nurse!" The chief asks, "How do you know she was a nurse?" whereupon the coroner replies "Because her stomach is empty, her bladder's full, and her ass is half chewed off!"
A guy walks into his doctor's office. He says, "Doctor, I'm suffering from silent gas emissions. All day at work, I have these silent gas emissions. Last night during a movie, I had 10 silent gas emissions. This morning in the car on the way to your office, I had five silent gas emissions. And, while waiting in your waiting room I had three silent gas emissions. Right now, as a matter of fact, I've just had two more." The doctor replied, "Well, the first thing we're going to do is check is your hearing!"
A STUDENT NURSE once asked, "How can you tell the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?" The instructor told her; "The taste."
Dec 22, '01
Oral or rectal...the taste. my son tasted his rectal thermometer before I could get to him. I think I had cleaned it prior to his tasting, but, eeeeeew!