Redneck Medical Terms

Benign...What you be after you be eight
Artery...The study of paintings
Bacteria...Back door to cafeteria
Barium....What doctors do when patients die
Cesarean Section..Neighborhood in Rome
Catscan...Searching for kitty
Cauterize...Made eye contact with her
Colic... a sheep dog
Coma...A punctuation mark
D&C...where washington is
Dilate...To live long
Enema...not a friend
Fester...quicker than someone else
Fibula...a small lie
Gentital...non-jewish person
G.I.Series...world series of military baseball
Hangnail...what you hang your coat on
Impotent...distinguished,well known
Labor pain...getting hurt at work
Medical staff...a doctor's cane
morbid...a higher offer than i bid
Nitrates...cheaper than day rates
Node...i knew it
Outpatient...a person who has fainted
Pap Smear...a fatherhood test
Pelvis...second cousin to Elvis
Post-operatiive..a letter carrier
Recovery room...place to do upholstery
Rectum...damn near killed him
Secretion...hiding something
Seizure...Roman emperor
Tablet...small table
Terminal illness...getting sick at the airport
Tumor...more than one
Urine...opposite if you're out
Varicose...near by/close by
Vulva...Swedish automobile
And some that we use in my unit:
FTD...Fixin to die
NTD...Needs to die
Circling the drain...see FTD
CABG...Coronary artery bypass graft
Saurkraut...CABG gone bad
Brussel sprout...CABGx1
Troll Patrol...working the pod we all the bad CABGs