Psychiatric Hot-Line

[GHGoonette, BSN, RN]

Psychiatric Hot-line, how can we help you?

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want; please stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. if you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to speak to you.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.

if you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

Just sharing something my son sent me...

[teeniebert, LPN]

if you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

I've seen similar 'hotline' lists before, but never this option! I almost spit ice cream out my nose!

[Vikingkitten]

Hysterical! Thanks for sharing!

I always wanted to know if a call like this ever occured:

"RRRRRIIIIINNNNNNGGGG!

"click"

"Suicide Hot Line, can you hold?"

Just asking