New Epidemic

[rnsheri]

My name is Unnamed-Respiratory-Therapist. I happened upon a tribe of healthcare providers in a peculiar state. I am documenting this to document it later on a supercool computer program that is completely inefficient and outdated.

I don't know when it happened. I'm calling it the Fever. The symptoms are hysteria, depression, feelings of worthlessness, delusions, gastric disturbances, and the inability to get anything done. The hospital has tricked us into thinking the new grads did it. I know better.

I'm on Generic Hospital Floor. In the HR office, someone is suffering from the Fever. I hear the sniffles and nose-blowing. Ah, yes. Classic. Shh. I hear talking. I know that voice—New Grad.

Well, Christy said I'm slow and stupid, and then Cathy laughed. And that sneaky old nurse keeps telling me I have to accept different personalities even if they differ from mine! She never said or did anything to me, ever, but when that [hot word] tech said, 'You're welcome', the tone was kind of insulting." Sobbing.

I feel a surge of empathy for New Grad. I wonder how it must feel? To always think people are out to get you? Common delusions, textbook.

Another voice, Not-Manager-Material—Very good, get it out, poor baby. It's OK.” Quick pause. Sweetheart, I need names. Lots of names. Tell me everyone who has wronged you or might someday hurt your feelings.”

It goes like that. The Fever-ridden encourage one another, but will turn on each other later. It's only a matter of time. Slowly, the hospital unit will fail apart because all the Fever-ridden will destroy each other. The COB's will be the last to fall, but they too must succumb to the raw emotion characteristic of the fever. Curse you, young whipper-snappers!” is their final battle cry.

The patients were saved, thanks to the fact that no nurse or tech could be in their rooms at the time since they were fighting each other in the halls. All managerial positions are mysteriously vacant. Their absences are being investigated half-heartedly. Nurses from another unit are being pulled to cover the shifts of the fallen. The Fever is very contagious. I need to get out of here.

As I go, I hear the common cry of the Fever—I mean, this is just med-surg. Does night shift just sit on their butts all night?” It's an epidemic.