John's Christmas List

ok... some background info.... John is my uncle. He just finished his MBA in august. He is unemployed, but looking.... Now, Tell me, does anyone think he's got too much time on his hands?
(oh... he's also a computer geek, and a 'day-trader' on occasion)

'John's christmas list'

Not to be outdone, I have created my own Christmas list. The difference between my list and the "others" is that mine actually gives gifts - the gifts of laughter and entertainment - instead of just asking for things. See if you can determine which gifts are fantasy and which are reality.

This year, I am asking for:

-A phone. Cordless, with built in answering system, caller ID, and speakerphone (at least)
-A new computer chair. My cushion has lost its cushiness. Job hunting is now even more painful.
-A motorcycle.
-I want Enron(a penny stock) to go up to $5 a share. Although $10 would be much nicer.
-Osama's head on a platter.
-A job. Preferrably one where the "six figures" come before the decimal point.
-A snowboard.
-Blue Jeans. Gap. Easy Fit. 31x28. Don't tell me it's a strange size. 28x44 is a strange size. At those proportions, someone would be roughly 7'2" and weigh 50 lbs. When I ask for jeans in this size, salespeople look at me like I've just asked them to find the square root of a negative number. For anyone who has graduated from a high school of "math-a-metics" you might find this funny.

-Some sort of briefcase. Not the boxy "old man" type, but the younger, hipper type (with a shoulder strap). In black - fake leather will do, because invariably it will be hauled in the rain and on the subway. It's only for work anway.
-An Imac, Ipod and any other nifty gadget Apple attaches its name to.
-A digital video camera to go with the Imac, so I can make Imovies.
-Bill Gates to make a product that works.
-Lunch with George Bush, Colin Powell, and Dick Cheney (if we can find him). Those guys rock!
-A dog.
-A cool fishtank.
-A DVD player. The stuff after the movie is so much cooler than the movie itself.
-I'd say "peace in the middle east", but that's impossible. A more realistic gift would be "pieces of the middle east" which would signify that we've solved the problem once and for all.

Happy Holidays!

John