How You Can Tell When It's Going To Be

  1. * You wake up face down on the pavement.

    * You went to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.

    * You put your bra on backward and it fits better.

    * You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

    * You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

    * You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your class.

    * You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize that you don't have a waterbed.

    * Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on to the freeway.

    * Your instructor tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

    * The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

    * You wake up and your braces are locked together.

    * You walk to class and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

    * Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

    * Your income tax check bounces.

    * You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

    * You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

    * Your pet rock snaps at you.
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How You Can Tell When It's Going To Be