A drunks understanding of Medical Jargon...

  1. A HBD (has been drinking) patient is admitted after finishing a 26er in 15 mins flat. Here is a look into what he thinks when we converse near him.......


    1] Anti-body - Against everyone
    2] Artery - The study of fine paintings
    3] Bacteria - The back door of a cafeteria
    4] Barium - What you do after CPR fails
    5] Benign - What you are after you be eight and before you be ten
    6] Bowel - A letter like A,E,I,O,U, and sometimes Y
    7] Cesaerean section - A district in Rome
    8] Cardiac arrest - Taken into custody after stealing a coupe deville
    9] Cardiology - Advance study of poker playing
    10] CAT Scan - Searching for the kitty
    11] Cauterize - To make eye contact with a woman
    12] Charlie Horse - A 10 to 1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby
    13] Colic - A sheep dog
    14] Coma - A punctuation mark
    15] Congenital - Friendly
    16] D&C - Where Washington is
    17] Dilate - To live long
    18] Enema - Not a friend
    19] Fester - Uncle
    20] Fibula - A small white lie
    21] Genes - What you wear cutting grass
    22] Genital - Not a Jew
    23] G.I. Series - A baseball game between teams of soldiers
    24] Hangnail - A coat hook
    25] Hemorrhoid - A male alien from outerspace
    27] Hormones - What a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid
    28] Impotent - Distinguished, well known
    29] Labor pain - Getting hurt at work
    30] Medical staff - A doctor's cane
    31] Minor operation - Coal digging
    32] Morbid - A higher offer
    33] Nitrates - Cheaper than the day rates
    34] Node - Was aware of
    35] Organic - An organ work repairman
    36] Outpatient - A patient who has fainted
    37] Pap smear - A fatherhood test
    38] Paralyze - Two far fetched stories
    39] Pelvis - A cousinof Elvis
    40] Pharmacist - A person who makes living in agriculture
    41] Post-operative - A letter carrier
    42] Protein - In favor of young people
    43] Recovery room - Where they do upholstery
    44] Rectum - Dang near killed 'em
    45] Scalpel - What you stand on to clean windows in high rise buildings
    46] Secretion - Hiding something
    47] Seizure - A Roman emperor
    48] Tablet - A small table
    49] Terminal illness - Getting sick at the airport
    52] Tumor - An extra pair
    53] Urine - The opposite of "you are out"
    54] Vericose - Nearby
    55] Vein - Conceited


    Any More?????

    Zhakrin
    Last edit by Zhakrin on Feb 27, '02
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